10 characters: Misty, Trisha, Announcer, Minnie, Vang, Clay, Vatika, Pandita, Peterson, Florian
Click on a character's name to get their lines highlighted.
Misty (96 lines, 1760 words, 52.29%) - [Steff Knappe] Misty L'Quil, trying to come to terms with being human.
Trisha (29 lines, 404 words, 12%) - [Gwenith Knight] Trisha Blackburn has been through more false realities than anyone, and is cautious about accepting this one as real.
Clay (9 lines, 86 words, 2.55%) - [David Loftus] Clay Erhardt is ready to reinvent himself.
Minnie (9 lines, 56 words, 1.66%) - [Mel Crochemore] Doctor Minnie Moreau is a researcher at Monolith-Eigen Laboratories.
Vatika (12 lines, 172 words, 5.11%) - [Sweena Mangal] Doctor Maya Vatika
Pandita (10 lines, 123 words, 3.65%) - [Gwen L] Hindu spiritual leader at the temple. Indian accent preferred.
Florian (22 lines, 349 words, 10.37%) - [?] Madame Florian, a spiritual medium.
Peterson (6 lines, 163 words, 4.84%) - [Alex Foott] Psychologist.
Vang (2 lines, 141 words, 4.19%) - [Kate J White] Martha Vang, CEO of Monolith-Eigen.
Announcer (2 lines, 112 words, 3.33%) - [Paul Knierim] Announcer. [partial]
Script format: Margined | Marginless (for phone viewing)
1 Misty: [narration] For as long as I may live, I'll always remember the moment when I heard the news. I was taking a little afternoon nap, and my phone woke me up -- I always forget to mute it. I fumbled for the phone and saw an incoming call from Trisha. She'd only called once since we left Monolith-Eigen, and that'd been the second day, so I wondered if something big had happened.
2 SOUND: fumbling for phone and answering
3 Trisha: Misty, have you heard?
4 Misty: [groggy] I was asleep, did something happen?
5 Trisha: [carefully] Have you heard from Mack lately?
6 Misty: Been a while. Why? [worried] Has something happened, is he missing?
7 Trisha: I'm sorry, I don't know quite how to say this gently...
8 Misty: Just say it.
9 Trisha: He's dead.
10 Misty: [shock] How? How?
11 Trisha: Somebody took him hostage to try to get something from President Kruck. There was a struggle, Mack was shot.
12 Misty: [shock] A struggle? How could he even, I mean the Captain couldn't...
13 Trisha: According to the article I just read, the gunman claims Mack WANTED to be shot.
14 Misty: I knew he wasn't adjusting well. But I was so wrapped up in my own troubles, so busy pitying myself...
15 Trisha: Don't blame yourself.
16 Misty: But, he relied on me... I should've reached out, I should've...
17 Trisha: We're all going to feel that way, but we shouldn't. The Captain could be a very a private man, a very proud and stubborn man. He should've come to us, should've trusted us, should've let us share his journey. Speaking of which, did you know he was ill?
18 Misty: No, he never mentioned, though I wondered sometimes.
19 Trisha: Minnie says he was going to die in another month anyway.
20 Misty: [shock] That bad? And he never told us?
21 Trisha: Guessing he also never told you he was moving in with Rosita Lotus.
22
Misty:
[shock] Wow.
You think you know someone... I mean you haven't known him as long but I've known him a year...
23 Trisha: Actually I knew him exactly as long, you just had more generated backstory.
24 SOUND: pause
25 Misty: I don't know how to deal with this.
26 Trisha: We're having a service for him on Saturday, I'll text you the details later.
27 Misty: Okay. Okay. Thank you for calling, Trisha... I think I need to take some time to absorb this now.
28 Trisha: You know where to reach me if you need me.
29 Misty: Okay. Let's keep in touch, okay? Bye.
30 SOUND: call end, phone set down, collapse back onto bed
31 Misty: [narration] In such a brief time, the span of a few words, your life can be turned upside down and inside out. Divided into what came before that moment and what comes after.
32 SOUND: music for title sequence
33 Announcer: QuietPlease dot org presents Beyond Awakening. Starring Steff Knappe as Misty L'Quil. Episode 16, Mourning.
34 SOUND: cemetery amiabce small crowd
35 (9:30) Misty: [narration] Saturday was hot. By the time I arrived at Riverside Cemetery, in the morning, it was already over 90 degrees and with no shade I was regretting following human tradition by wearing black. There were a dozen chairs, quickly filling with mostly people from Monolith-Eigen -- none of whom the Captain would've actually wanted there, except maybe Minnie. There were a coupe people I didn't know, who turned out to be the Captain's literary agent and an author ghostwriting his autobiography -- news to me. Then there was myself, Trisha, Clay, and Rosita Lotus. In the center of our semi-circle, a black casket. And in front of the casket, an empty grave. And the grave had a headstone. It read, 'In Loving Memory of Ray Lotus, 1996 to 2035.'
36 Minnie: Misty, is this seat taken?
37 Misty: No, go ahead.
38 SOUND: sitting
39 Minnie: Have you written out a speech?
40 Misty: No, I'm just going to speak from the heart.
41 Minnie: Braver than me.
42 Misty: Or just a bigger heart.
43 Minnie: [needling] I thought your people didn't have heart.
44 Misty: [annoyed] Just because we don't have romantic love doesn't mean we don't have hearts.
45 Minnie: You know he loved you, right? Captain Hardcase I mean.
46 Misty: He told me, months ago... things got kind of awkward after that.
47 Minnie: Did YOU love HIM?
48 Misty: You just pointed out Cthunians can't love.
49 Minnie: I think you loved him.
50 Misty: We have friendship... and Captain Hardcase was like family.
51 Minnie: You loved him more than that.
52 Misty: [stammering] I don't... I don't know what you're...
53 Minnie: Time for the first speaker, get ready you'll be second.
54
Misty:
[recomposing] Who's first?
[cynical recognition] Oh, I see, of course she would.
55
Vang:
We're gathered here today to pay our final respects to two remarkable men who inhabited the same body. Outside of conjoined twins, I believe it's a first. Ray Lotus lived a short but full life of adventure. And Mack Hardcase lived an even shorter, even fuller life with even more adventure.
Mack Hardcase meant more to me than anyone or anything. He was the emodiment of our mission. He was our trailblazer. It's fitting he died as the hero our memories made him, fighting a bad guy. I promise he'll never be forgotten. Now let's hear from his closest friends. Misty?
56 SOUND: Misty walks up
57 SOUND: shocked murmurs at apt times behind following speech
58 Misty: [emotional, choking up] It's difficult... difficult to be called one of his closest friends. He was such a guarded, private man... especially here in the real world. I barely scratched the surface of who he was, but, but I thought I'd have decades to get to know him, I didn't know. It didn't feel like there was any urgency, it felt like he'd always be there, a constant in my life, a guiding constant, like the pulsars we'd use to fix our position in the galaxy. He didn't tell us his challenges, he found them shameful and he wanted to project strength, just strength all the time. Which was stupid. But I can't blame HIM, it wasn't his fault. [growing angry] I blame YOU, you people here who designed him that way. YOU killed Mack Hardcase. You designed a man who couldn't survive the world you knew you were going to throw him into. You designed a man who couldn't confide in his best friends, who couldn't accept our help, who had to be in command. It wasn't the gunman, it wasn't the disease, it was YOU. And that's his legacy, that's the Captain's true legacy. He's a warning that you've got to be careful and responsible when you make yourself a god and design a personality from scratch. Minnie, you even told him, before we woke up you told him you were most worried about him, but you still--
59 Vang: That's enough, sit down please. We understand you're upset but I won't allow you to go after my staff, we're all mourners here and we all need to be respected and allowed to mourn this loss in our own way.
60 Misty: [narration] I walked out. I couldn't sit with these people, couldn't pretend the loss of their experimental test subject was the same as my loss. I felt bad about walking out on Trisha and Clay. I reached out to them later to tell them so. I told them we should stay in touch more, meet up more. People always say they want to, say they will, and maybe they will once, but then they just drift away again. That's one of the problems with planetary life, something I never had to deal with in the space fleet. On a starship your friends are always nearby and your lives always intersect. And I guess after the funeral is when I really realized how much I missed that, how much I wished I could have that back.
61 SOUND: cafe for lunch
62 Misty: Thanks for coming.
63 Trisha: We're the closest thing any of us has to family.
64 Clay: My contractor canceled our meeting so I had nothing better to do for lunch.
65 Misty: How'd the rest of the funeral go?
66 Trisha: It was... interesting.
67 Clay: If you're into that sort of thing.
68 Trisha: There was a whole second group that came in after we left. Ray Lotus' friends and family.
69 Clay: Luckily they didn't see us.
70 Misty: You were hiding from them?
71 Clay: Misty, the friends and relatives are the most dangerous people.
72 Misty: I thought you were seeing your guy's widow and son?
73 Clay: Well. I can't be smart ALL the time.
74 Misty: At the funeral... I didn't plan for it to go that way.
75 Clay: I figured.
76 Misty: I wanted to go up there and talk about all the happy times we'd had together, the adventures. And then...
77 Clay: You realized none of them actually happened.
78
Misty:
Yeah.
Most people get to treasure the memories of those they've lost... but our memories of him aren't even real.
79 Clay: All those arguments I had with Hardcase... most of 'em didn't exist. But I still won them all.
80 Trisha: My memories of him are all real. I didn't meet you guys until we were actively simulating.
81 Misty: Maybe you're the only one of us who actually knows who he was, Trisha. Without being mislead by false memroies. Who was he when he was real?
82 Trisha: [unsure] Well... he was always trying to seem sure of himself, but I doubt he ever was. He had that air of false confidence, bravado. He wanted to help people, but only as a hero saving them, he couldn't meet anyone halfway as just people helping each other out.
83 Clay: If Doctor Peterson asked you to describe Hardcase in one word, what would you choose?
84 Trisha: Unhappy.
85 Misty: That's not the man I knew.
86 Trisha: Maybe he was happier around you.
87
Misty:
[narrating] I hope so. I hope so.
I tried to set up a weekly lunch for the three of us, same time same place every Wednesday. Trisha said her sleep schedule wouldn't allow it, she'd never be awake at the same time two weeks in a row. Clay said he's a busy man with an important job inventing the future. Try to bring people together again after they drift apart is like herding feral Cthunian felixi. Maybe I was trying to hard to hold onto something that was gone.
Sometimes you get surprises in the opposite direction, though -- people you didn't think you'd see again who decide they want to be part of your life and make it easy for you. I certainly wasn't expecting Doctor Vatika to visit me, not after what I said at the funeral.
88 SOUND: apartment
89 Vatika: I want to let you know I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come to the service.
90 Misty: I didn't mean to single you out...
91 Vatika: Mack was a patient, a work project. And you're right, we designed him a personality that wasn't suited to this world. We were thinking of him as an experiment, not a person. We were wrong to do that, to put him through that. And the same goes for you, we put you through things we had no right to put you through.
92 Misty: Thank you for acknowledging that.
93 Vatika: And I hope you're not in the same boat, I hope your personality isn't incompatible with your life.
94 Misty: I wouldn't say my personality or alien background is the problem, so much as my circumstances.
95 SOUND: awkward pause
96 Vatika: Have you been keeping up with all the exercises we recommended?
97 Misty: Yes. But I still don't feel strong.
98 Vatika: Any pain?
99 Misty: Soreness and tiredness whenever I increase the workload.
100 Vatika: That's normal.
101 Misty: I used to be so much stronger than this.
102 Vatika: You're only human now.
103 Misty: How am I ever supposed to feel a hundred percent if I can never be what I was?
104 Vatika: I'm sorry the backstory we gave you created unattainable expectations. I hope Dr. Peterson can help you with it, but I can't.
105 Misty: There IS something you can help me with though.
106 Vatika: Oh?
107 Misty: I'd like to explore religion. A real religion, not my fake one.
108 Vatika: I sent you a list of websites and books.
109 Misty: I mean REALLY explore, in person, participating in services.
110 SOUND: uncomfortable pause
111 Vatika: I could take you to my temple.
112 Misty: I'd like that. But a lot of religious people are against my existence, would I be welcome there?
113 Vatika: You're threatening to those with certain beliefs about the afterlife, but not to us... you're perfectly compatible with reincarnation.
114 SOUND: temple bells
115 Misty: [narration] It was a bit like a first contact mission. I felt I was entering an alien culture with unknown customs, where the people talk in strange tongues about things I don't understand, where a wrong behavior could cause irrevocable offense. So I sat quietly through the rituals, observing. And then after it was over and we were alone, I spoke with the Pandita.
116 Pandita: We don't get a lot of outsiders. Welcome, Misty. Your story is of course known to me.
117 Misty: Thank you for welcoming me. I have some questions about your religion.
118 Pandita: That's what I'm here for.
119 Misty: If I decide to convert to your faith, what's the process? How will I be evaluated, how long until I can be accepted?
120 Pandita: Once you practice Hinduism, you're a Hindu. It's not up to me or anyone else to define your conversion. You decide.
121 Misty: I understand you believe in a cycle of rebirth. When a loved one dies, how do you know what their next incarnation will be?
122 Pandita: You don't.
123 Misty: Can't you recognize them later in their new form?
124 Pandita: Sometimes people claim they feel a familiarity or connection... but generally, you don't.
125 Misty: Then what's the point?
126 Pandita: Excuse me?
127 Misty: What's the point of believing people will be reborn, if you'll never find them again in their new form?
128 Pandita: Re-birth is for the deceased's continuing journey toward enlightenment, with which they can eventually liberate their self from the cycle of re-birth. It's not for those they leave behind.
129 Misty: And in what sense can it really be called the same person, if they have no memory of their prior lives?
130 Pandita: In the same way that I believe you yourself are a soul trapped in the same body for a second incarnation.
131 Misty: You believe I'm still that person who died, who I replaced?
132 Pandita: Only your purusha, your consciousness.
133 Misty: How much of my identity is in that consciousness and how much is in my memories?
134 Pandita: Depends what you mean by identity. It's complicated.
135 Misty: [narration] Religion felt like a bit of dead end for me. I wanted some religion to sweep me off my feet and show me comforting universal truths that'd make sense of it all and make everything okay. But I realized it wasn't going to happen, and the array of religious choices and the different long journeys each would lead to was only adding my anxieties.
136 SOUND: psychologist's office
137 Misty: I've been feeling so... so ill at ease.
138 Peterson: Can you be more specific?
139 Misty: Sometimes my heart is racing and I don't know why. Haven't been sleeping well. Hard time concentrating. I just don't feel like myself... 'course I've never actually felt like myself in this world.
140 Peterson: I believe you may be suffering from PTSD -- post traumatic stress disorder.
141 Misty: But I went on so many difficult missions before. I've always thrived under pressure.
142 Peterson: That wasn't real, this is. Your awakening to find your life was a lie was a huge stressor. The convalescence. But I'm guessing your kidnapping is your primary source of PTSD, and Hardcase's death made for a bit of a double whammie.
143 Misty: I thought I was doing okay under the circumstances.
144 Peterson: You've been dramatically shown that you have no personal safety and could be killed at any moment. It almost happened to you -- twice actually -- and it did happen to your friend. Under the circumstances, being able to function at all is doing very well.
145 Misty: It's just that I thought I was used to that kind of risk and danger. But as you say Doctor, it wasn't real before. So how do I fix it?
146 Peterson: That's not a quick or simple matter. It's a process, a process that can take months or years, where you'll feel like you're over it at times and then at other times it'll grab you and pull you down. But I'm here to help.
147 Misty: I feel like what I need most right now is closure on Captain Hardcase. How can I find that?
148 Peterson: If you could speak to him one last time, what would you say?
149 SOUND: spiritualist shop, probably chimes on door and then some sort of soft music
150 Florian: Welcome to the Divine Light Harmonic Abode! You must be Misty?
151 Misty: That's right.
152 Florian: I'm Madam Florian, I'm the medium who'll be guiding you through your seance tonight. Come sit down.
153 SOUND: they sit, some organizing
154 Misty: I've never done this before.
155 Florian: Don't worry, most of my clients haven't.
156 Misty: Does it affect the chances of making contact?
157 Florian: Not at all. Now I want you to relax, Misty. This is a sacred space, let it put you at ease. Breathe in, breath out.
158 Misty: [slowly breathing in and out]
159 SOUND: striking a match to light several candles
160 Florian: I'd like you to reflect on why you’ve come here today.
161 Misty: I want you to try to contact Captain--
162 Florian: [interrupting] Don't tell me, don't speak it, just think it. Form an image in your mind of who it is you want us to contact.
163 Misty: Okay.
164 Florian: I sense you're seeking someone you served with.
165 Misty: Yes!
166 Florian: Someone close to you.
167 Misty: Yes!
168 Florian: A man.
169 Misty: That's right!
170 Florian: He died unexpectedly. You feel you have unfinished business with him.
171 Misty: I... wasn't sure of my feelings. I'm not supposed to have them.
172 Florian: Something was separating the two of you... alienation.
173 Misty: Yes, like we were different species.
174 Florian: Captain Mack Hardcase. That's who you seek.
175 Misty: [astonished] How did you know?
176 Florian: There are powers beyond your comprehension, Misty L'Quil. There are invisible threads that connect our thoughts, which my training allows me to access.
177 Misty: Do you think you can make contact with Captain Hardcase?
178
Florian:
We'll try.
I'll be going into a trance, and will allow his spirit to speak through me. I won't know what's being said through me, that'll be a private conversation between you and him. Now close your eyes and grasp my hand, center your mind on Captain Hardcase, and tell me when you're ready.
179 SOUND: grasp
180 Misty: I'm ready.
181 SOUND: some silence
182
Florian:
[trance] Oooohhhhmmmmm oooohhhhhhmmmmmm oooohhhhhhmmmmmm... I have opened myself to the astral plane and the higher dimensions. I have entered the world of spirits of the departed. Is there anyone in the spirit world who wishes to make contact with Misty L'Quil?
I sense a spirit. Spirit, you may speak through me.
183 Misty: Captain Hardcase, is it you?
184 Florian: No, this is Cynthia Grissom.
185 Misty: Who? Why?
186 Florian: You don't know me?
187 Misty: Should I?
188 Florian: [edge of anger] Considering you're living in my body.
189 Misty: Oh.
190 Florian: [anger] What gives you the right, Misty? What gives you the right to steal my body?
191 Misty: But, I mean, I didn't ask for this, and you weren't using it, where's the harm?
192 Florian: My body should be at rest, not parading around town disturbing my friends.
193 Misty: I don't want your body. I want my Cthunian body.
194
Florian:
Then kill yourself so you can be Cthunian in the afterlife. You're an abomination, an affront to the divine.
Contact has been broken. I hope you had the conversation you wanted.
195 Misty: Not exactly.
196 Florian: [nasty] I sense you've offended the spirits. Leave, and don't ever come back.
197 Misty: [narration] I'd entered not really believing, but hoping for a miracle. I left shocked and confused.
198 SOUND: phone call, Trisha filtered as such
199 Trisha: Misty, she obviously knew who you were. Even with our faces changed, we give ourselves away.
200 Misty: I shouldn't have used my real first name.
201 Trisha: It sounds like she must've been a friend of the person who used to be in your body.
202 Misty: Cynthia Grissom.
203 Trisha: Yeah. So your medium decided to trick you, to try to hurt you.
204 Misty: Telling me to kill myself was going a bit far.
205 Trisha: We've seen they'll go further. You were lucky she let you leave.
206
Misty:
I suppose so.
Trisha, do ever miss the old days?
207 Trisha: You mean the fake days?
208 Misty: Yeah.
209 Trisha: All the time.
210 Misty: If you could go back to that life, knowing what you know now, would you?
211 Trisha: I think I'd need to stop knowing what I know now.
212 Misty: You'd be willing to have your memory edited again to deceive you?
213 Trisha: Misty, I don't trust this world we're living in. Even when I'm taking my meds, I'm not convinced it's real. Better a pleasant illusion than an unpleasant one.
214 Misty: You'd erase your memory?
215 Trisha: I'd rather not forget everything. I'd rather make just enough edits to convince myself this was a Klurgh mind probe, like the Captain used to tell us.
216 Misty: I couldn't do that. Couldn't want to un-know what I know. But I think I'd still like to take what I know now and return to that life, at least for a while.
217 SOUND: end theme
218 Announcer: Beyond Awakening episode 16, Mourning, was written and produced by Paul Knierim. It starred Steff Knappe as Misty L'Quil. Also featured were Gwenith Knight as Trisha Blackburn, ? as Madam Florian, Sweena Mangal as Doctor Maya Vatika, Alex Foott as Doctor Peterson, Kate J White as CEO Martha Vang, Gwen L as the Pandita, David Loftus as Clay Erhardt, and Mel Crochemore as Doctor Minnie Moreau. This is Paul Knierim. Music licensed from Joel Steudler and creative commons zero and public domain sources. To learn more about Beyond Awakening or support the show, go to quietplease dot org slash awakening.