Here's an effort to transcribe "Anonymous" from 19 September 1948. Feel free to make any suggestions for improvements.
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please. (PAUSE) Quiet, please.
MUSIC: THEME IN AND UNDER
ANNOUNCER: ABC presents "Quiet, Please!" which is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and which features Ernest Chappell. "Quiet, Please!" for today is called "Anonymous."
MUSIC: THEME ... END
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) The other night when you called me up after I made that talk on the radio, I don't suppose you know what happened, do you?
Maybe you don't care.
But if you've got a few minutes, I'd kind of like to tell you.
You mind listening for a while?
Thanks.
Oh, yes, you other people can listen, too, if you like. I - I see no way of preventing you. And, as a matter of fact, it might be -- instructive to you, too. You other people don't know who I am, of course, and probably it's just as well.
You know, though, don't you? You wouldn't forget that quickly.
Sit still and listen. You've got nothing better to do. You're listening to the radio anyway. Take it easy.
Dear lady, you really started things.
Personally, I thought it was a pretty good speech. And, apparently, quite a lot of my listeners thought so, too. There was a nice batch of mail the next morning. And, of course, a lot of phone calls to the studio when I finished. Naturally, most of them came from people who belong to the party that nominated me. You'd expect it to be that way. A few came from people who vote the other tickets. But even they were restrained and polite about disagreeing with me. I was grateful to them -- because it's always good to know exactly on which points the opposition differs with you. I thanked them politely, of course.
But your call, dear lady-- Really, I wasn't expecting that. I remember it very clearly. Although I was shocked at the time. The phone rang -- it was about the tenth call there in the studio; the announcer handed it to me; I said, "Yes?" and you said--
LADY: (FILTER) Do you know who this is?
POLITICIAN: No, I'm afraid I don't.
LADY: (FILTER) And you'll never find out, either! Listen! I hope you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (TAKEN ABACK) Uh-- I beg your pardon, madam?
LADY: (FILTER) I said, I hope you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (REASONABLE) Oh, come now. Listen, madam--
LADY: (FILTER) Nyeah!
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
MUSIC: MELANCHOLY ACCENT ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]
POLITICIAN: (MORE SORROW THAN ANGER) I'm sure I don't know why you said that, dear lady. You never saw me, except in some rather smudged newspaper cuts. You never heard my voice except on the radio. You-- I don't know what it was that made you use such unbridled language. Was it because you didn't like my face? Or my politics? Or my nationality or - or the church I go to? Or what?
What is there about me or about my beliefs that prompts a perfect stranger to wish a sudden, unnatural death upon me? Is it because you felt safe hiding behind a telephone, knowing there was no way of my finding out who you are?
Didja mean it? Or were you--? (EXHALES) I don't understand it.
Well, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you broke up a night's sleep for me, dear lady.
My first reaction, of course, was indignation. Literal indignation -- a loss of dignity. I wasn't used to having people say things like that to me. I could have forgiven it from a mortal enemy, but -- from a total stranger! (EXHALES) And so I went to bed -- very annoyed. [X]
My wife is a very light sleeper and I suppose I was making indignant noises to myself -- rehearsing what I'd say to you if I had an opportunity. Anyway--
WIFE: 'Matter, dear? Can't you get to sleep?
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?
WIFE: No. I just woke up and heard you muttering. What time is it?
POLITICIAN: Mmm. Past one. [?] two.
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: Are you going to smoke?
POLITICIAN: Well, I was. You want one?
WIFE: No. You know how it makes me cough at night.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
WIFE: I heard part of your speech tonight.
POLITICIAN: Did you?
WIFE: Thought it sounded fine.
POLITICIAN: Did you?
WIFE: 'Course, I heard it so many times. Practicing, you know.
POLITICIAN: I know.
WIFE: (BEAT) What's the matter?
POLITICIAN: (EXHALES, UNCONVINCING) Nothing.
WIFE: (INSISTS) What's the matter, dear?
POLITICIAN: Oh, I - I got a phone call that made me mad.
WIFE: Did you?
POLITICIAN: Yes.
WIFE: (YAWNS) I thought you were enough of a politician to let those things run off your back.
POLITICIAN: Well, ordinarily, I am. But this one--
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: You going to smoke, dear?
POLITICIAN: (EXHALES) I'm sorry.
WIFE: What are you so nervous about?
POLITICIAN: I'm mad, I told you.
WIFE: For heaven's sake, what did they say that upset you so much?
POLITICIAN: Eh, it was some woman.
WIFE: Oh? A woman?
POLITICIAN: You know what she said?
WIFE: I haven't the least idea.
POLITICIAN: She said she hoped I dropped dead.
WIFE: [?]
POLITICIAN: Can you blame me for being mad?
WIFE: Of course not. Don't let it prey on your mind.
POLITICIAN: (MILDLY ANNOYED) Oh, I'm not letting it prey on my mind. Can't I even mention it?
WIFE: (AMUSED) Yes, darling, of course. (BEAT) You don't know who it was, of course?
POLITICIAN: Of course not.
WIFE: Well, try to go to sleep. Tomorrow's another day, you know.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT) Good night.
WIFE: Good night.
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: (GENTLE REPROOF) Dear--?
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry. Good night.
WIFE: Good night. (COUGHS)
POLITICIAN: Can't I--? I'll go out in the living room. I'm keeping you awake.
WIFE: Oh, no. (PAUSE) You awake, dear?
POLITICIAN: I'm afraid so.
WIFE: I just remembered. The final notice on your insurance came today. You better make out a check in the morning or it'll be too late.
POLITICIAN: (GRUMBLES UNCOMFORTABLY)
WIFE: (GIGGLES) Honestly, dear, there isn't any connection. (GIGGLES) I just suddenly remembered. (GIGGLES)
POLITICIAN: (GOOD-NATURED) Sure, sure. I know. I forgot.
WIFE: I'm glad I remembered. Good night.
MUSIC: TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES SLOWLY, DRY) Good night. Very good night, indeed. Try and sleep. (MUSES) What did the doctor say about my blood pressure? How old do people have to be to drop dead? What makes people drop dead? Embolism, whatever that is. Uh, blood vessels burst; things go wrong with your head. Or somebody wishes it on ya. [X]
You see? You did all right, dear lady.
I got up to see if I could stop that dripping shower faucet. I never noticed it before. And I couldn't help hearing it tonight.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And what it kept saying.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) How'd you like to listen to it all night? Hear what it kept saying?
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I tried to fix it. All that happened was I got the sleeves of my pajamas sopping. And it kept right on dripping; kept right on saying what it had to say; what - what you had to say.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And at last I fell asleep. And dreamed. Oh, I'd rather not tell you about the dreams. I'd rather let you imagine it. You know what they were about. You set the stage for them.
MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN OUT
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And then when I woke up, first thing I heard was my wife talking to someone on the telephone at nine o'clock in the morning -- cheerful at that hour!
WIFE: (CHEERFUL, OFF) Well, thanks. I'll tell him you called. -- No, I didn't hear all of it on the radio. But I'd heard it so many times around the house, you know. -- (LAUGHS) Yes. Yes, of course. I hope so, too. -- What? Oh, he's all right. Still asleep. I think he's got a little hangover this morning. -- Oh, no. Not very late. I suppose he had a couple with some of the committeemen after the broadcast. -- Oh, no, not drunk; just talkative. -- Oh, somebody called him up afterwards and said they hoped he dropped dead. -- (LAUGHS) That's what I said! But you know him. You know how sensitive he is and how things prey on his mind. -- Oh, of course. -- Oh, no, he hasn't the faintest idea who it was. -- (LAUGHS) Oh, sure! He's already begun calling up undertakers. -- Sure, I'll tell him. Bye, now.
POLITICIAN: (NOT CHEERFUL) When I woke up, I couldn't remember what it was that had disturbed my sleep so, but-- She came and looked in the bedroom to see if I was still asleep. I said, (TO WIFE, REASONABLE) Look, I didn't have any drinks last night.
WIFE: Well, didn't you, dear? Should I bring you some coffee?
POLITICIAN: (SNAPPISH) You know I hate drinkin' coffee in bed before I get my teeth brushed.
WIFE: Well, then get up. How's your hangover?
POLITICIAN: I haven't got any hangover.
WIFE: I was talking on the phone to your brother.
POLITICIAN: I heard ya.
WIFE: What are you so cranky about this morning, dear?
POLITICIAN: I didn't sleep very well.
WIFE: Dreaming about dropping dead?
POLITICIAN: I wish you'd--
WIFE: I never heard anything so silly in all my life. Letting a little thing like that prey on your mind.
POLITICIAN: Nothing's preying on my mind. I'd forgotten all about it till I heard you shouting about it on the telephone.
WIFE: Darling, I was talking very quietly so I wouldn't wake you up.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
WIFE: You know perfectly well it's absurd to be upset about somebody telling you on the phone that they wished you dropped dead.
POLITICIAN: Dear, will you please stop talking about it?!
WIFE: Because it's just plain silly -- and you know perfectly well that a person can't wish you to death.
SOUND: PHONE RINGS AND KEEPS RINGING
POLITICIAN: (GRUMBLES) Well, answer it, will you?
WIFE: (AMUSED) Probably your friend.
POLITICIAN: What friend?
WIFE: (MOVING OFF) The one that wants you to drop dead.
MUSIC: GLOOMY ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) They can, too. Wish you to death. I remember what that Australian fellow told me about "pointing the bones" -- how the witch doctor points a human finger bone at a native he wants to die and - the native just dies. Nobody can do anything about it. He just dies; that's all there is to it. He's wished to death.
WIFE: (APPROACHES) What'd you do? Tell everybody on the committee about that woman last night?
POLITICIAN: What do you mean?
WIFE: Heavens, you've got everybody talking about it.
POLITICIAN: I just mentioned it.
WIFE: Well, that was your secretary. And she says everybody at headquarters is talking about it -- and laughing at you for being so scared.
POLITICIAN: I'm not scared; I'm mad!
WIFE: Well, I wish you'd forget about it!
MUSIC: GLOOMY ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And I got out of bed. For a moment, I thought I was gonna fall down right then and there. You ever feel dizzy when you jump up out of bed suddenly in the morning?
Well, I suppose not. You're - you're probably younger than I am and things like that don't happen to you. My heart gave a big jump and I thought, "Ah, this is it."
You see how far it had gone already?
And I said to myself, "Stop it, you're being an idiot."
I went to take my shower.
And, in the bright morning light, the dripping faucet didn't say, "Drop - dead. Drop - dead." -- the way it did last night. I didn't give it a chance. I turned the water on as hard as it'd go and I jumped in!
MUSIC: ACCENT ... FOR JUMPING INTO A COLD SHOWER
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES, HAPPIER) At the office -- at headquarters -- it was different. Everybody was delighted with the speech and I found a pile of notes on my desk congratulating me on what I'd said. I began to feel better right away. The mayor's note said, "Great work, boy; you'll be president yet." The one from the radio station, "You have a wonderful voice for radio; congratulations!" The telegram from the old senator, "Highly impressed by your talk last night." And a copy of my speech with "Excellent!" written across it and the chairman's signature. (INCREASINGLY UNEASY) And the little note on the sheet of yellow scratch paper -- the badly typewritten little note -- the note from you that said -- "I hope you drop dead." (BEAT, SHAKEN) As I looked at, I could almost hear your voice again.
LADY: (FILTER) I hope you drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And then the telephone started ringing.
SOUND: PHONE RINGS AND KEEPS RINGING
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I knew who it was of course. I knew I'd hear your voice as soon as I lifted the receiver. "Oh, ho. No," I said. "Oh, no, I'm not gonna answer that. I've heard her once," I said to myself, "Look what it's doing to me. I'm not gonna give her another chance; I won't do it. I won't; I won't do it."
And the phone kept right on ringing. "I'm not gonna answer it," I said, "I'm not gonna let that woman make a fool of me again."
But then I got an idea.
(CRAFTY) Sure, I'd answer it. Sure, I'd listen to ya. Sure, I'd engage in conversation. I'd have my secretary trace the call while you're talking. I'd get ya! I'd find ya and I'd tell you a few things about anonymous telephone calls, and anonymous letters, too.
I'd have to be careful, though, wouldn't I? I wouldn't want to frighten you away before I knew who you were. So I put on my best politician manner.
SOUND: PHONE RECEIVER UP
POLITICIAN: Hello?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Well. You're still alive?
POLITICIAN: Wha--? What--? Who is this?
DOCTOR: (FILTER, LAUGHS) I hear you're going to drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (RECOGNIZES THE VOICE) Oh. Hello, doc.
DOCTOR: (FILTER, GOOD-NATURED) So what's with you? Your wife tells me you're all hopped up about dropping dead.
POLITICIAN: She did?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) I think you'd better "drop" around to see me.
POLITICIAN: Doc, listen, uh-- Doc, I mean, listen, do you think--? Ah, you're kidding me.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) No, I'm not. If you're going to go into a dipsy-doodle like this right in the middle of your campaign, you'd better let me take a look at you.
POLITICIAN: But, doc, listen--
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Make it about three?
POLITICIAN: Well, I-- I suppose so.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Okay. My office at three o'clock. And stop worrying.
POLITICIAN: But I'm not worrying.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Well, cut it out. See you this afternoon.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) What's the matter with that, doctor? Does he think I'm nuts? What's he going to do to me? Tap my knee? See if my reflexes are all right? Ask me embarrassing questions about my childhood? I'm not gonna go, but-- (SLOWLY, MUSES) I wonder. Maybe he knows something about me that he hasn't told me. He said my blood pressure was a little high, the last time. I didn't tell him about my hands, either. Or about that pounding in my head when I sleep on my left side. (EXHALES) I wonder if I've really got something wrong with me. A man my age -- ought to get checked up -- once in a while, though.
SOUND: BUZZ! OF INTERCOM ... BEAT ... OFFICE DOOR OPENS
SECRETARY: Yes, sir?
POLITICIAN: (SLOWLY) I don't want any more phone calls today.
SECRETARY: Yes, sir.
POLITICIAN: And I'll probably be at the doctor's this afternoon for a while, if you want me.
SECRETARY: Yes, sir. (CHUCKLES) You aren't worried, are ya?
POLITICIAN: (PUZZLED) Worried? Uh, what about?
SECRETARY: (MERRILY) About that woman hoping you'll drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (IRRITATED OUTBURST) Will you get out of here?!
MUSIC: BIG ACCENT ... FOR A TRANSITION
DOCTOR: Say, "Ah."
POLITICIAN: Ahhhhhh.
DOCTOR: All right.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT) Well? (NO ANSWER) Well, doc?
DOCTOR: (OFF) You'll be all right.
POLITICIAN: Be all right?
DOCTOR: (OFF) Sure.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT, WORRIED) Is my -- my -- heart all right?
DOCTOR: (OFF) Yes. (BEAT) Well-- Yes.
POLITICIAN: What's the matter with it?
DOCTOR: (OFF) What are you so worried about?
POLITICIAN: The pain in my little finger.
DOCTOR: (CLOSER) What pain in your little finger?
POLITICIAN: This one. The left one. It hurts every once in a while.
DOCTOR: So?
POLITICIAN: Well, isn't that a symptom of angina?
DOCTOR: Yes.
POLITICIAN: Oh. Oh, I thought so.
DOCTOR: It's also a symptom of hangnails.
POLITICIAN: Well, doc, listen--
DOCTOR: And of a mild neuritis.
POLITICIAN: Am I going to be all right, doc?
DOCTOR: Listen, my friend, I've never given you any malarkey, have I?
POLITICIAN: No, doc.
DOCTOR: Never tried to scare you or anything, have I?
POLITICIAN: No. (BEAT, APPREHENSIVE) What do you mean?
DOCTOR: I don't want to scare you now, either. But you've got to take care of yourself. You understand? You've got to take care of yourself.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT, INSISTS) What is it?
DOCTOR: Nothing that taking it easy won't fix up. Stop working so hard. Stop staying up till all hours. And don't eat so much. And don't worry about dropping dead.
MUSIC: SNEAKS IN ... UNEASY
POLITICIAN: I'm not worrying about drop-- I'm not worrying.
DOCTOR: You keep on worrying about dropping dead and that's just what'll happen to you one fine day.
POLITICIAN: Don't kid with me, doc.
DOCTOR: You think I'm kidding? (BEAT, WRITES PRESCRIPTION) Uh, stop at the drugstore and get this filled. One after every meal, two at bedtime.
POLITICIAN: All right.
DOCTOR: And stop worrying. The human mind is a strange mechanism, my boy. One we really don't know much about. You get this dropping dead off your mind.
MUSIC: UP AND OUT
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) Ever hear the story about the man who was granted three wishes, dear lady? The one about the man that was to have his three wishes granted on one condition? On condition he wouldn't think of a hippopotamus while he was wishing? He never got any of his wishes.
I never got your wish off my mind either.
I came in the house--
SOUND: DOOR SHUTS
WIFE: Well! (LAUGHS) Are you still alive?
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I went into dinner--
WIFE: Now, you're gonna like this dinner. I've got all of your favorites, see? Liver and bacon; Waldorf salad with cottage cheese, the way you like it; buttered carrots, even. And for dessert-- Guess.
POLITICIAN: What?
WIFE: Rhubarb pie.
POLITICIAN: (DUTIFULLY) That's very nice of you, dear.
WIFE: Well, I wanted to take your mind off this obsession of yours about dropping dead, that's all.
POLITICIAN: I wish you'd shut up about that. I - I'm trying to forget it.
WIFE: Well, why don't you forget it then?
POLITICIAN: Well, how can I, with everybody in town yapping at me about it?!
WIFE: I didn't say a word about it. I just said I wanted you to get it out of your mind, that's all. That's all I said.
POLITICIAN: Well, if you'd shut up about it, maybe I could!
WIFE: That's the thanks I get it! Making you the kind of dinner you like, spending the whole afternoon in the kitchen, and all this, and you come home and tell me to shut up!
POLITICIAN: (CHASTENED) I'm sorry.
WIFE: Well, I'm not going to shut up! I've got as much right to talk as you have! (WITH DISGUST) Great big political candidate talks to the voters on the radio and gets all of a twit because some fool woman calls you up and hopes you drop dead! Fine public figure you are!
POLITICIAN: Will you shut up?!
WIFE: Probably one of your former sweethearts -- one of those beautiful girls you used to yammer about! Caught up with you at last! No wonder she hopes you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (UNNERVED) I can't take this!
SOUND: POUNDS FIST ON TABLE
WIFE: Well, I can't either!
POLITICIAN: Well, you know what you can do about it!
WIFE: I certainly do!
POLITICIAN: Well, do it then!
WIFE: Well, I will!
POLITICIAN: Go on and see if I care!
WIFE: That'll fix your political career for you!
SOUND: POUNDS FIST ON TABLE WITH EACH WORD--
POLITICIAN: GET - OUT - OF - HERE!
MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN IN BG
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES, QUIETLY) And so -- my wife left me, dear lady. She turned around as she went out the door and she said-- Oh, very sweetly she said, "I hope your girlfriend gets her wish, de-ar."
She slammed the door. I sat there.
My little finger began to hurt again. I could feel a throbbing in my temples -- a swoosh, swoosh, swoosh-swoosh.
MUSIC: PULSES WITH EACH "SWOOSH" ... KEEPS PULSING BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I felt so dizzy. That sharp pain in my shoulder.
You'd've been very happy, I think.
I drank two glasses of water; I didn't feel any better. I got to the phone and I dialed the doctor and--
MUSIC: OUT
DOCTOR: (FILTER) What seems to be the matter?
POLITICIAN: (UNNERVED) Dizzy. I - I got those pains.
DOCTOR: (FILTER, AMUSED) In your little finger?
POLITICIAN: Yes. In my shoulder, too. And my head's buzzing.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Look. I'm eating my dinner.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Take two bromides and lie down. You'll be all right.
POLITICIAN: You - you sure, doc?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Good night.
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) So -- I took the bromides. And went and lay down on the bed. Felt better after a while. That is, er, physically, I felt better, but mentally-- And the phone rang after a while; I got up and answered it. I thought, maybe it'd be you. I thought, if it was you, maybe I could talk to you and reason with you -- get you to say you didn't mean it.
The bromides made me a little dopey, I guess. The voice on the phone sounded strange when I answered.
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Who is this?
POLITICIAN: Who is this?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Is that you?
POLITICIAN: Whom do you wish to speak to?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) What number is this?
POLITICIAN: What number do you want?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Well, what number is this?
POLITICIAN: (INSISTS, ANNOYED) What number do you want?!
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Oh, drop dead!
LADY: (FILTER, NEAR SIMULTANEOUS WITH ABOVE LINE) Drop dead!
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
POLITICIAN: Hello?
SOUND: RATTLE OF CRADLE
POLITICIAN: Hello? Hello? He--?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) Great. (BEAT) Great! All alone with a telephone -- like the old song. Everybody wants me to drop dead.
(NARRATES) You really started something, dear lady.
I wish I knew who you are.
(SIGHS) You know, a telephone is a pretty terrible thing sometimes. John Crosby said a week or so ago that a telephone is one of the most useful terror devices ever used on the radio.
Did you read that?
He's so right. Look what it's done to me.
A nice telephone that you call up your friends with and wish 'em a happy birthday. A pretty telephone that rings and says, "Come on over, we're all havin' a swell party."
And that you used to wish a horrible fate on me.
(SLOWLY) I got to wondering -- in my dopey fashion. I wondered, if I sat there in the dark and dialed just numbers, if maybe there wouldn't be some trick of fate that might bring me you, dear lady. I'd reason with ya, I'd plead with ya. I'd beg you to take this curse of yours off me. I wanted to talk to ya so badly. I had the strangest feeling that I knew you -- very well. I could close my eyes, almost, and see you.
But - how could I reach you? You were anonymous; somewhere behind a telephone.
It was foolish, wasn't it?
SOUND: FUMBLES WITH PHONE BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I thought I'd try; just - just sit there in the dark with my fingers; feel the dial. Maybe they might find the combination that would bring you. Maybe.
SOUND: ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS TWICE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS TWICE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
MALE: (FILTER) Maine three six hundred. (SILENCE) Hello? (SILENCE, LOUDER) Hello?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS ONCE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
3RD FEMALE: (FILTER, YOUTHFUL) Is that you, Alfred? (SILENCE) Alfred? Hello?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... NOISY BUSY SIGNAL (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF, GRIM) Busy.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) Was that you, dear lady? Were you telephoning someone else, hoping they'd drop dead? Being anonymous and safe?
I sat there a long time in the darkness. Wondering.
I didn't see much point in dialing any more numbers at random.
There must be a hundred million combinations on that dial.
And only one of 'em is yours.
So I got up and looked around the room in the dark.
You did all right.
I - I thought you'd like to know.
I put on my hat and went out for a walk around the block.
I hope you're satisfied.
I hope you're happy.
Because you see, dear lady--
I did drop dead.
MUSIC: THEME ... FADE FOR
ANNOUNCER: The title of the "Quiet, Please!" story you've been listening to was "Anonymous." It was written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and the man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.
CHAPPELL: And Athena Lord played my wife. The doctor was Dan Sutter. Peggy Stanley was also in the cast.
As usual, music for "Quiet, Please!" is played by Albert Buhrmann. Now for a word about next week's "Quiet, Please!" here is our writer-director Wyllis Cooper.
COOPER: Thank you for listening to our first "Quiet, Please!" broadcast on ABC. Our second story will be called, "Light the Lamp for Me."
CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.
MUSIC: THEME ... FADE FOR
ANNOUNCER: This is ABC, the American Broadcasting Company.
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Here's an effort to transcribe "Anonymous" from 19 September 1948. Feel free to make any suggestions for improvements.
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please. (PAUSE) Quiet, please.
MUSIC: THEME IN AND UNDER
ANNOUNCER: ABC presents "Quiet, Please!" which is written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and which features Ernest Chappell. "Quiet, Please!" for today is called "Anonymous."
MUSIC: THEME ... END
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) The other night when you called me up after I made that talk on the radio, I don't suppose you know what happened, do you?
Maybe you don't care.
But if you've got a few minutes, I'd kind of like to tell you.
You mind listening for a while?
Thanks.
Oh, yes, you other people can listen, too, if you like. I - I see no way of preventing you. And, as a matter of fact, it might be -- instructive to you, too. You other people don't know who I am, of course, and probably it's just as well.
You know, though, don't you? You wouldn't forget that quickly.
Sit still and listen. You've got nothing better to do. You're listening to the radio anyway. Take it easy.
Dear lady, you really started things.
Personally, I thought it was a pretty good speech. And, apparently, quite a lot of my listeners thought so, too. There was a nice batch of mail the next morning. And, of course, a lot of phone calls to the studio when I finished. Naturally, most of them came from people who belong to the party that nominated me. You'd expect it to be that way. A few came from people who vote the other tickets. But even they were restrained and polite about disagreeing with me. I was grateful to them -- because it's always good to know exactly on which points the opposition differs with you. I thanked them politely, of course.
But your call, dear lady-- Really, I wasn't expecting that. I remember it very clearly. Although I was shocked at the time. The phone rang -- it was about the tenth call there in the studio; the announcer handed it to me; I said, "Yes?" and you said--
LADY: (FILTER) Do you know who this is?
POLITICIAN: No, I'm afraid I don't.
LADY: (FILTER) And you'll never find out, either! Listen! I hope you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (TAKEN ABACK) Uh-- I beg your pardon, madam?
LADY: (FILTER) I said, I hope you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (REASONABLE) Oh, come now. Listen, madam--
LADY: (FILTER) Nyeah!
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
MUSIC: MELANCHOLY ACCENT ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]
POLITICIAN: (MORE SORROW THAN ANGER) I'm sure I don't know why you said that, dear lady. You never saw me, except in some rather smudged newspaper cuts. You never heard my voice except on the radio. You-- I don't know what it was that made you use such unbridled language. Was it because you didn't like my face? Or my politics? Or my nationality or - or the church I go to? Or what?
What is there about me or about my beliefs that prompts a perfect stranger to wish a sudden, unnatural death upon me? Is it because you felt safe hiding behind a telephone, knowing there was no way of my finding out who you are?
Didja mean it? Or were you--? (EXHALES) I don't understand it.
Well, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you broke up a night's sleep for me, dear lady.
My first reaction, of course, was indignation. Literal indignation -- a loss of dignity. I wasn't used to having people say things like that to me. I could have forgiven it from a mortal enemy, but -- from a total stranger! (EXHALES) And so I went to bed -- very annoyed. [X]
My wife is a very light sleeper and I suppose I was making indignant noises to myself -- rehearsing what I'd say to you if I had an opportunity. Anyway--
WIFE: 'Matter, dear? Can't you get to sleep?
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?
WIFE: No. I just woke up and heard you muttering. What time is it?
POLITICIAN: Mmm. Past one. [?] two.
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: Are you going to smoke?
POLITICIAN: Well, I was. You want one?
WIFE: No. You know how it makes me cough at night.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
WIFE: I heard part of your speech tonight.
POLITICIAN: Did you?
WIFE: Thought it sounded fine.
POLITICIAN: Did you?
WIFE: 'Course, I heard it so many times. Practicing, you know.
POLITICIAN: I know.
WIFE: (BEAT) What's the matter?
POLITICIAN: (EXHALES, UNCONVINCING) Nothing.
WIFE: (INSISTS) What's the matter, dear?
POLITICIAN: Oh, I - I got a phone call that made me mad.
WIFE: Did you?
POLITICIAN: Yes.
WIFE: (YAWNS) I thought you were enough of a politician to let those things run off your back.
POLITICIAN: Well, ordinarily, I am. But this one--
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: You going to smoke, dear?
POLITICIAN: (EXHALES) I'm sorry.
WIFE: What are you so nervous about?
POLITICIAN: I'm mad, I told you.
WIFE: For heaven's sake, what did they say that upset you so much?
POLITICIAN: Eh, it was some woman.
WIFE: Oh? A woman?
POLITICIAN: You know what she said?
WIFE: I haven't the least idea.
POLITICIAN: She said she hoped I dropped dead.
WIFE: [?]
POLITICIAN: Can you blame me for being mad?
WIFE: Of course not. Don't let it prey on your mind.
POLITICIAN: (MILDLY ANNOYED) Oh, I'm not letting it prey on my mind. Can't I even mention it?
WIFE: (AMUSED) Yes, darling, of course. (BEAT) You don't know who it was, of course?
POLITICIAN: Of course not.
WIFE: Well, try to go to sleep. Tomorrow's another day, you know.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT) Good night.
WIFE: Good night.
SOUND: MATCH STRIKES
WIFE: (GENTLE REPROOF) Dear--?
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry. Good night.
WIFE: Good night. (COUGHS)
POLITICIAN: Can't I--? I'll go out in the living room. I'm keeping you awake.
WIFE: Oh, no. (PAUSE) You awake, dear?
POLITICIAN: I'm afraid so.
WIFE: I just remembered. The final notice on your insurance came today. You better make out a check in the morning or it'll be too late.
POLITICIAN: (GRUMBLES UNCOMFORTABLY)
WIFE: (GIGGLES) Honestly, dear, there isn't any connection. (GIGGLES) I just suddenly remembered. (GIGGLES)
POLITICIAN: (GOOD-NATURED) Sure, sure. I know. I forgot.
WIFE: I'm glad I remembered. Good night.
MUSIC: TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG, OUT AT [X]
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES SLOWLY, DRY) Good night. Very good night, indeed. Try and sleep. (MUSES) What did the doctor say about my blood pressure? How old do people have to be to drop dead? What makes people drop dead? Embolism, whatever that is. Uh, blood vessels burst; things go wrong with your head. Or somebody wishes it on ya. [X]
You see? You did all right, dear lady.
I got up to see if I could stop that dripping shower faucet. I never noticed it before. And I couldn't help hearing it tonight.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And what it kept saying.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) How'd you like to listen to it all night? Hear what it kept saying?
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I tried to fix it. All that happened was I got the sleeves of my pajamas sopping. And it kept right on dripping; kept right on saying what it had to say; what - what you had to say.
SOUND: DRIP-DROP, DRIP-DROP
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And at last I fell asleep. And dreamed. Oh, I'd rather not tell you about the dreams. I'd rather let you imagine it. You know what they were about. You set the stage for them.
MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN OUT
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And then when I woke up, first thing I heard was my wife talking to someone on the telephone at nine o'clock in the morning -- cheerful at that hour!
WIFE: (CHEERFUL, OFF) Well, thanks. I'll tell him you called. -- No, I didn't hear all of it on the radio. But I'd heard it so many times around the house, you know. -- (LAUGHS) Yes. Yes, of course. I hope so, too. -- What? Oh, he's all right. Still asleep. I think he's got a little hangover this morning. -- Oh, no. Not very late. I suppose he had a couple with some of the committeemen after the broadcast. -- Oh, no, not drunk; just talkative. -- Oh, somebody called him up afterwards and said they hoped he dropped dead. -- (LAUGHS) That's what I said! But you know him. You know how sensitive he is and how things prey on his mind. -- Oh, of course. -- Oh, no, he hasn't the faintest idea who it was. -- (LAUGHS) Oh, sure! He's already begun calling up undertakers. -- Sure, I'll tell him. Bye, now.
POLITICIAN: (NOT CHEERFUL) When I woke up, I couldn't remember what it was that had disturbed my sleep so, but-- She came and looked in the bedroom to see if I was still asleep. I said, (TO WIFE, REASONABLE) Look, I didn't have any drinks last night.
WIFE: Well, didn't you, dear? Should I bring you some coffee?
POLITICIAN: (SNAPPISH) You know I hate drinkin' coffee in bed before I get my teeth brushed.
WIFE: Well, then get up. How's your hangover?
POLITICIAN: I haven't got any hangover.
WIFE: I was talking on the phone to your brother.
POLITICIAN: I heard ya.
WIFE: What are you so cranky about this morning, dear?
POLITICIAN: I didn't sleep very well.
WIFE: Dreaming about dropping dead?
POLITICIAN: I wish you'd--
WIFE: I never heard anything so silly in all my life. Letting a little thing like that prey on your mind.
POLITICIAN: Nothing's preying on my mind. I'd forgotten all about it till I heard you shouting about it on the telephone.
WIFE: Darling, I was talking very quietly so I wouldn't wake you up.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
WIFE: You know perfectly well it's absurd to be upset about somebody telling you on the phone that they wished you dropped dead.
POLITICIAN: Dear, will you please stop talking about it?!
WIFE: Because it's just plain silly -- and you know perfectly well that a person can't wish you to death.
SOUND: PHONE RINGS AND KEEPS RINGING
POLITICIAN: (GRUMBLES) Well, answer it, will you?
WIFE: (AMUSED) Probably your friend.
POLITICIAN: What friend?
WIFE: (MOVING OFF) The one that wants you to drop dead.
MUSIC: GLOOMY ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) They can, too. Wish you to death. I remember what that Australian fellow told me about "pointing the bones" -- how the witch doctor points a human finger bone at a native he wants to die and - the native just dies. Nobody can do anything about it. He just dies; that's all there is to it. He's wished to death.
WIFE: (APPROACHES) What'd you do? Tell everybody on the committee about that woman last night?
POLITICIAN: What do you mean?
WIFE: Heavens, you've got everybody talking about it.
POLITICIAN: I just mentioned it.
WIFE: Well, that was your secretary. And she says everybody at headquarters is talking about it -- and laughing at you for being so scared.
POLITICIAN: I'm not scared; I'm mad!
WIFE: Well, I wish you'd forget about it!
MUSIC: GLOOMY ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And I got out of bed. For a moment, I thought I was gonna fall down right then and there. You ever feel dizzy when you jump up out of bed suddenly in the morning?
Well, I suppose not. You're - you're probably younger than I am and things like that don't happen to you. My heart gave a big jump and I thought, "Ah, this is it."
You see how far it had gone already?
And I said to myself, "Stop it, you're being an idiot."
I went to take my shower.
And, in the bright morning light, the dripping faucet didn't say, "Drop - dead. Drop - dead." -- the way it did last night. I didn't give it a chance. I turned the water on as hard as it'd go and I jumped in!
MUSIC: ACCENT ... FOR JUMPING INTO A COLD SHOWER
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES, HAPPIER) At the office -- at headquarters -- it was different. Everybody was delighted with the speech and I found a pile of notes on my desk congratulating me on what I'd said. I began to feel better right away. The mayor's note said, "Great work, boy; you'll be president yet." The one from the radio station, "You have a wonderful voice for radio; congratulations!" The telegram from the old senator, "Highly impressed by your talk last night." And a copy of my speech with "Excellent!" written across it and the chairman's signature. (INCREASINGLY UNEASY) And the little note on the sheet of yellow scratch paper -- the badly typewritten little note -- the note from you that said -- "I hope you drop dead." (BEAT, SHAKEN) As I looked at, I could almost hear your voice again.
LADY: (FILTER) I hope you drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) And then the telephone started ringing.
SOUND: PHONE RINGS AND KEEPS RINGING
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I knew who it was of course. I knew I'd hear your voice as soon as I lifted the receiver. "Oh, ho. No," I said. "Oh, no, I'm not gonna answer that. I've heard her once," I said to myself, "Look what it's doing to me. I'm not gonna give her another chance; I won't do it. I won't; I won't do it."
And the phone kept right on ringing. "I'm not gonna answer it," I said, "I'm not gonna let that woman make a fool of me again."
But then I got an idea.
(CRAFTY) Sure, I'd answer it. Sure, I'd listen to ya. Sure, I'd engage in conversation. I'd have my secretary trace the call while you're talking. I'd get ya! I'd find ya and I'd tell you a few things about anonymous telephone calls, and anonymous letters, too.
I'd have to be careful, though, wouldn't I? I wouldn't want to frighten you away before I knew who you were. So I put on my best politician manner.
SOUND: PHONE RECEIVER UP
POLITICIAN: Hello?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Well. You're still alive?
POLITICIAN: Wha--? What--? Who is this?
DOCTOR: (FILTER, LAUGHS) I hear you're going to drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (RECOGNIZES THE VOICE) Oh. Hello, doc.
DOCTOR: (FILTER, GOOD-NATURED) So what's with you? Your wife tells me you're all hopped up about dropping dead.
POLITICIAN: She did?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) I think you'd better "drop" around to see me.
POLITICIAN: Doc, listen, uh-- Doc, I mean, listen, do you think--? Ah, you're kidding me.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) No, I'm not. If you're going to go into a dipsy-doodle like this right in the middle of your campaign, you'd better let me take a look at you.
POLITICIAN: But, doc, listen--
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Make it about three?
POLITICIAN: Well, I-- I suppose so.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Okay. My office at three o'clock. And stop worrying.
POLITICIAN: But I'm not worrying.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Well, cut it out. See you this afternoon.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) What's the matter with that, doctor? Does he think I'm nuts? What's he going to do to me? Tap my knee? See if my reflexes are all right? Ask me embarrassing questions about my childhood? I'm not gonna go, but-- (SLOWLY, MUSES) I wonder. Maybe he knows something about me that he hasn't told me. He said my blood pressure was a little high, the last time. I didn't tell him about my hands, either. Or about that pounding in my head when I sleep on my left side. (EXHALES) I wonder if I've really got something wrong with me. A man my age -- ought to get checked up -- once in a while, though.
SOUND: BUZZ! OF INTERCOM ... BEAT ... OFFICE DOOR OPENS
SECRETARY: Yes, sir?
POLITICIAN: (SLOWLY) I don't want any more phone calls today.
SECRETARY: Yes, sir.
POLITICIAN: And I'll probably be at the doctor's this afternoon for a while, if you want me.
SECRETARY: Yes, sir. (CHUCKLES) You aren't worried, are ya?
POLITICIAN: (PUZZLED) Worried? Uh, what about?
SECRETARY: (MERRILY) About that woman hoping you'll drop dead.
POLITICIAN: (IRRITATED OUTBURST) Will you get out of here?!
MUSIC: BIG ACCENT ... FOR A TRANSITION
DOCTOR: Say, "Ah."
POLITICIAN: Ahhhhhh.
DOCTOR: All right.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT) Well? (NO ANSWER) Well, doc?
DOCTOR: (OFF) You'll be all right.
POLITICIAN: Be all right?
DOCTOR: (OFF) Sure.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT, WORRIED) Is my -- my -- heart all right?
DOCTOR: (OFF) Yes. (BEAT) Well-- Yes.
POLITICIAN: What's the matter with it?
DOCTOR: (OFF) What are you so worried about?
POLITICIAN: The pain in my little finger.
DOCTOR: (CLOSER) What pain in your little finger?
POLITICIAN: This one. The left one. It hurts every once in a while.
DOCTOR: So?
POLITICIAN: Well, isn't that a symptom of angina?
DOCTOR: Yes.
POLITICIAN: Oh. Oh, I thought so.
DOCTOR: It's also a symptom of hangnails.
POLITICIAN: Well, doc, listen--
DOCTOR: And of a mild neuritis.
POLITICIAN: Am I going to be all right, doc?
DOCTOR: Listen, my friend, I've never given you any malarkey, have I?
POLITICIAN: No, doc.
DOCTOR: Never tried to scare you or anything, have I?
POLITICIAN: No. (BEAT, APPREHENSIVE) What do you mean?
DOCTOR: I don't want to scare you now, either. But you've got to take care of yourself. You understand? You've got to take care of yourself.
POLITICIAN: (BEAT, INSISTS) What is it?
DOCTOR: Nothing that taking it easy won't fix up. Stop working so hard. Stop staying up till all hours. And don't eat so much. And don't worry about dropping dead.
MUSIC: SNEAKS IN ... UNEASY
POLITICIAN: I'm not worrying about drop-- I'm not worrying.
DOCTOR: You keep on worrying about dropping dead and that's just what'll happen to you one fine day.
POLITICIAN: Don't kid with me, doc.
DOCTOR: You think I'm kidding? (BEAT, WRITES PRESCRIPTION) Uh, stop at the drugstore and get this filled. One after every meal, two at bedtime.
POLITICIAN: All right.
DOCTOR: And stop worrying. The human mind is a strange mechanism, my boy. One we really don't know much about. You get this dropping dead off your mind.
MUSIC: UP AND OUT
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) Ever hear the story about the man who was granted three wishes, dear lady? The one about the man that was to have his three wishes granted on one condition? On condition he wouldn't think of a hippopotamus while he was wishing? He never got any of his wishes.
I never got your wish off my mind either.
I came in the house--
SOUND: DOOR SHUTS
WIFE: Well! (LAUGHS) Are you still alive?
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I went into dinner--
WIFE: Now, you're gonna like this dinner. I've got all of your favorites, see? Liver and bacon; Waldorf salad with cottage cheese, the way you like it; buttered carrots, even. And for dessert-- Guess.
POLITICIAN: What?
WIFE: Rhubarb pie.
POLITICIAN: (DUTIFULLY) That's very nice of you, dear.
WIFE: Well, I wanted to take your mind off this obsession of yours about dropping dead, that's all.
POLITICIAN: I wish you'd shut up about that. I - I'm trying to forget it.
WIFE: Well, why don't you forget it then?
POLITICIAN: Well, how can I, with everybody in town yapping at me about it?!
WIFE: I didn't say a word about it. I just said I wanted you to get it out of your mind, that's all. That's all I said.
POLITICIAN: Well, if you'd shut up about it, maybe I could!
WIFE: That's the thanks I get it! Making you the kind of dinner you like, spending the whole afternoon in the kitchen, and all this, and you come home and tell me to shut up!
POLITICIAN: (CHASTENED) I'm sorry.
WIFE: Well, I'm not going to shut up! I've got as much right to talk as you have! (WITH DISGUST) Great big political candidate talks to the voters on the radio and gets all of a twit because some fool woman calls you up and hopes you drop dead! Fine public figure you are!
POLITICIAN: Will you shut up?!
WIFE: Probably one of your former sweethearts -- one of those beautiful girls you used to yammer about! Caught up with you at last! No wonder she hopes you drop dead!
POLITICIAN: (UNNERVED) I can't take this!
SOUND: POUNDS FIST ON TABLE
WIFE: Well, I can't either!
POLITICIAN: Well, you know what you can do about it!
WIFE: I certainly do!
POLITICIAN: Well, do it then!
WIFE: Well, I will!
POLITICIAN: Go on and see if I care!
WIFE: That'll fix your political career for you!
SOUND: POUNDS FIST ON TABLE WITH EACH WORD--
POLITICIAN: GET - OUT - OF - HERE!
MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN IN BG
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES, QUIETLY) And so -- my wife left me, dear lady. She turned around as she went out the door and she said-- Oh, very sweetly she said, "I hope your girlfriend gets her wish, de-ar."
She slammed the door. I sat there.
My little finger began to hurt again. I could feel a throbbing in my temples -- a swoosh, swoosh, swoosh-swoosh.
MUSIC: PULSES WITH EACH "SWOOSH" ... KEEPS PULSING BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I felt so dizzy. That sharp pain in my shoulder.
You'd've been very happy, I think.
I drank two glasses of water; I didn't feel any better. I got to the phone and I dialed the doctor and--
MUSIC: OUT
DOCTOR: (FILTER) What seems to be the matter?
POLITICIAN: (UNNERVED) Dizzy. I - I got those pains.
DOCTOR: (FILTER, AMUSED) In your little finger?
POLITICIAN: Yes. In my shoulder, too. And my head's buzzing.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Look. I'm eating my dinner.
POLITICIAN: I'm sorry.
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Take two bromides and lie down. You'll be all right.
POLITICIAN: You - you sure, doc?
DOCTOR: (FILTER) Good night.
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) So -- I took the bromides. And went and lay down on the bed. Felt better after a while. That is, er, physically, I felt better, but mentally-- And the phone rang after a while; I got up and answered it. I thought, maybe it'd be you. I thought, if it was you, maybe I could talk to you and reason with you -- get you to say you didn't mean it.
The bromides made me a little dopey, I guess. The voice on the phone sounded strange when I answered.
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Who is this?
POLITICIAN: Who is this?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Is that you?
POLITICIAN: Whom do you wish to speak to?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) What number is this?
POLITICIAN: What number do you want?
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Well, what number is this?
POLITICIAN: (INSISTS, ANNOYED) What number do you want?!
1ST FEMALE: (FILTER) Oh, drop dead!
LADY: (FILTER, NEAR SIMULTANEOUS WITH ABOVE LINE) Drop dead!
SOUND: CALL IS DISCONNECTED
POLITICIAN: Hello?
SOUND: RATTLE OF CRADLE
POLITICIAN: Hello? Hello? He--?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF) Great. (BEAT) Great! All alone with a telephone -- like the old song. Everybody wants me to drop dead.
(NARRATES) You really started something, dear lady.
I wish I knew who you are.
(SIGHS) You know, a telephone is a pretty terrible thing sometimes. John Crosby said a week or so ago that a telephone is one of the most useful terror devices ever used on the radio.
Did you read that?
He's so right. Look what it's done to me.
A nice telephone that you call up your friends with and wish 'em a happy birthday. A pretty telephone that rings and says, "Come on over, we're all havin' a swell party."
And that you used to wish a horrible fate on me.
(SLOWLY) I got to wondering -- in my dopey fashion. I wondered, if I sat there in the dark and dialed just numbers, if maybe there wouldn't be some trick of fate that might bring me you, dear lady. I'd reason with ya, I'd plead with ya. I'd beg you to take this curse of yours off me. I wanted to talk to ya so badly. I had the strangest feeling that I knew you -- very well. I could close my eyes, almost, and see you.
But - how could I reach you? You were anonymous; somewhere behind a telephone.
It was foolish, wasn't it?
SOUND: FUMBLES WITH PHONE BEHIND--
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) I thought I'd try; just - just sit there in the dark with my fingers; feel the dial. Maybe they might find the combination that would bring you. Maybe.
SOUND: ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS TWICE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
2ND FEMALE: (FILTER, HEAVY ACCENT) Hewwo? (SILENCE, LOUDER) Hewwo? (SILENCE) Vell, hewwo?!
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS TWICE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
MALE: (FILTER) Maine three six hundred. (SILENCE) Hello? (SILENCE, LOUDER) Hello?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... RINGS ONCE, IS ANSWERED (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
3RD FEMALE: (FILTER, YOUTHFUL) Is that you, Alfred? (SILENCE) Alfred? Hello?
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN, THEN UP ... ROTARY DIAL ... NOISY BUSY SIGNAL (CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE)
POLITICIAN: (TO HIMSELF, GRIM) Busy.
SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN
POLITICIAN: (NARRATES) Was that you, dear lady? Were you telephoning someone else, hoping they'd drop dead? Being anonymous and safe?
I sat there a long time in the darkness. Wondering.
I didn't see much point in dialing any more numbers at random.
There must be a hundred million combinations on that dial.
And only one of 'em is yours.
So I got up and looked around the room in the dark.
You did all right.
I - I thought you'd like to know.
I put on my hat and went out for a walk around the block.
I hope you're satisfied.
I hope you're happy.
Because you see, dear lady--
I did drop dead.
MUSIC: THEME ... FADE FOR
ANNOUNCER: The title of the "Quiet, Please!" story you've been listening to was "Anonymous." It was written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and the man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell.
CHAPPELL: And Athena Lord played my wife. The doctor was Dan Sutter. Peggy Stanley was also in the cast.
As usual, music for "Quiet, Please!" is played by Albert Buhrmann. Now for a word about next week's "Quiet, Please!" here is our writer-director Wyllis Cooper.
COOPER: Thank you for listening to our first "Quiet, Please!" broadcast on ABC. Our second story will be called, "Light the Lamp for Me."
CHAPPELL: And so, until next week at this same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.
MUSIC: THEME ... FADE FOR
ANNOUNCER: This is ABC, the American Broadcasting Company.