Network - Sun Aug 24th 1947 - 10:00-10:30 PM EDST WOR - Mon. Aug. 25th 10:00- 10:30 PM EDST
Rehersals: Fri. Aug. 22nd 2:00-5:00 PM Sun. Aug. 24th 8:00-10:00PM Studio 15
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.
(SEVEN SECONDS’ SILENCE)
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.
(MUSIC…THEME…FADE FOR)
ANNCR: “Quiet, Please!“ for tonight, written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and featuring Ernest Chappell, is called “Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall”
(MUSIC…THEME…Up & FADE)
---
OLIVER: (TALKING TO A MAN ON THE PHONE) You haven’t got any idea. You haven’t got an idea in the world, no sir. If I was to do the right thing I’d take him and I’d cut his head off. As a matter of fact, Eddie, if I had the - the intestinal fortitude of a - of a llama or something - a llama. You know, like in crossword puzzles. It’s some kind of camel or something that lives up in the mountains. I said if I had the courage of a llama, I’d just up and kill the man! What? Oh, it’s all right, for heaven’s sake, nobody’s listening on the telephone! Oh, is that so? Well, I’ll stack up old man Everwein against your boss and day, and give you two-to-one odds, too. Did I tell you about this morning? Well, you know when I saw you in the drug store when I was having coffee - huh? Oh, you know her. She’s a model. I just rand into her as I was going into the drugstore, and I said have a cup of coffee with me. I don’t know. Peters, or Peterson, or something like that. Evelyn. Evelyn Peters, or Peterson, or something. No, costume stuff. Well, when I was in the drugstore - oh, I’m sorry, I meant to give you the seventy-five cents I borrowed, and I forgot all about it. Remind me, will you, Eddie? Oh, not in the drugstore. That old - that old goon has forbidden every one of us to go downstairs for coffee during working hours. Everwein! It’s all right; he can go down and drink coffee till it runs out his ears, but the Art Department can sit up there and starve for all he cars. Well, I think it’s pretty small of a man. After all, we’re not just laborers, you know. Oh, what I started to say: right after you walked out, he walked in. No, I was talking to this Peters, or Peterson, or whoever she is, and I didn’t see him at all. First thing I knew was he shoved that great big ugly unshaven puss of his right between me and this Peterson character - oh, I wasn’t saying anything! - and he said Oliver, did you forget your drawing-board? I give you my word, Eddie, boiling hot coffee - I pretty near incinerated myself I was so startled! And I sort of burbled through the coffee, I said like an utter idiot what drawing-board, Mister Everwein? And he said the one you left upstairs. He said do you want me to bring it down here, Oliver, so you can combine business and pleasure? And that Peterson, she laughed right out loud. I could kill her too! What?
OLIVER: Well, what if I am being bloodthirsty tonight? I’ve got a right to! What? Oh. Well, then he kind of gritted his teeth and he looked just like Victor MacLaglen or somebody and he said Get Back Upstairs! And believe me, Eddie, people just kind of shrunk away like an earthquake or something, and I felt about THIS high. Do? What COULD I do? I put your seventy-five cents on the counter – the whole seventy-five cents, darn it! – and I just slunk out. And you know that he did? You won’t believe it! He sat right down there with that Peterson, or whatever her name is, and he bought her another cup of coffee! With the seventy-five cents I borrowed from YOU, to add insult to injury! Do you wonder I want to murder him? And her, too? The way she laughed? Oh, yes, and then – get this – when he came back upstairs half an hour later – half an hour! – he walked in and stood looking over my shoulder, and you know how that always gives me the screaming meemies, to have somebody looking over my shoulder while I’m drawing …. Oh, doesn’t it you? It does me. I go nuts. And so what happens? He just stands there and stands there, and I get jitterier and jitterier, and all of a sudden I put my sleeve right in the middle of the design I’d just finished inking in – label for a shoe-box. All full of, you know, Pompeian borders and curlicues and stuff and things. You know. Oh, ruined it. Murdered it. And that fiend in human form stood there and laughed fit to bust. Losing your touch, Oliver, he said? I have you my word Eddie, I was so close to busting, and I kept drawing great big deep breaths, and getting fuller and fuller of air, and finally I yelled at him. Oh, I always make a fool of myself. What? I said give me back my seventy-five cents, Mister Everwein! Oh, go on and laugh. (HE HAS TO LAUGH A LITTLE HIMSELF) did you ever in all your life hear anything so ridiculous? That’s what I was saying, if I had the – the whatever-it-is of a llama or something I’d have brained the man with a T-square or something. And I holler for six bits! Oh, he had a fit. He just laid down on the floor and howled.(CHUCKLES) I had one satisfaction, though. Whitey Haines, you know sits back of me with dark glasses, he’d just dropped a whole jar of vermillion paint on the floor and Everwein didn’t know it. What Just wallered in it! Well, so I had to stay and work overtime to get this hideous label finished so they can ship it out to Little Rock or wherever it goes, and that’s why I’m not going bowling tonight. No, you’ll just have to get a substitute, Eddie. I’m dead. Who, Caroline? Oh, no, she’s out to some clambake or something. That woman. I could cut her throat with a – a bottle-opener or something. Preferably a dull one. You know what she left me for dinner? Listen. One can of tuna-fish. One slice of dry whole-wheat bread. A warm bottle of cherry soda. And eleven hard-boiled eggs. And she’d been defrosting the refrigerator and forgot to turn it on again. No, Eddie; I have a stomach-ache, for one thing. My head hurts. My hands and arms are tired. I am a dead man, and I definitely will not bowl this evening. I am going to sit here and think of different ways to murder Mr. Klaus Everwein, my favorite art-director, and perhaps that Peterson girl, or whatever her name is, and possibly Caroline, the wife of my bosom. And if you continue to shout in my ear about bowling, I shall include you. Yes, Eddie. No, Eddie, Goodnight, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE TELEPHONE RECEIVER, SITS BACK, AND SIGHS)
OLIVER: Oh, me. (HE YAWNS) I should BOWL, of all things. Where do you suppose the woman is? I shouldn’t have eaten those hardboiled eggs.
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS)
OLIVER: Now, who’s that? Calling me up in the middle of the night! If that’s Eddie again about bowling I’ll murder him! The curst of the man!
SOUND: (HE LIFTS THE RECEIVER)
OLIVER: Hello-I-am-not-going-bowling! (A PAUSE) Hello, Eddie! Hello, hello, hello! Why, you rang me, young woman. Yes, you di-
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN)
OLIVER: Oh, it’s the doorbell. Excuse me.
SOIUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER AND GETS UP)
OLIVER: Caroline, of course. Forgotten her key again.
SOUND: (HE GOES AWAY)
OLIVER: If that woman doesn’t do something about remembering her keys, I’m simply going to kill her.
SOUND: (HE OPENS THE DOOR)
OLIVER: Well, my love!
EVERWEIN: (AT THE DOOR) What did you call me, Oliver?
OLIVER: Mister Everwein!
EVERWEIN: Well, are you going to let me in or not?
OLIVER: Why, certainly, Mr. Everwein. Please come in, sir.
SOUND: (THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND EVERWEIN)
OLIVER: Come in and have a chair, sir. (AS THEY RETURN)
EVERWEIN: (IN) Who did you think I was, anyway?
OLIVER: I thought you had forgotten your key.
EVERWEIN: What? Are you nutty?
OLIVER: I’m sorry, Mr. Everwein. I mean I thought it was my wife, who has gone out, and who has probably forgotten her key. I mean she quite often forgets when she goes out. I thought it was my wife –
EVERWEIN: For the love of Mike will you stop gibbering?
OLIVER: Yes, Mr. Everwein. Well – ah – what brings you to our neighborhood, I’m sure?
EVERWEIN: Oliver, you know, if you weren’t the best freehand design man I’ve got in the shop –
OLIVER: Oh, but I’m not, Mr. Everwein –
EVERWEIN: I’d try to have you committed. I don’t think you’ve got all your buttons.
OLIVER: Mr. Everwein, I’ve got my buttons all right, but for heaven’s sake, Mr. Everwein, I just get embarrassed.
EVERWEIN: At what?
OLIVER: When people yell at me, or anything, I mean …
EVERWEIN: Am I yelling at you, Oliver?
OLIVER: Well, you … you do.
EVERWEIN: Am I yelling at you now, Oliver?
OLIVER: N-no, sir.
EVERWEIN: Well, stop looking silly then. I’ve got something for you to do.
OLIVER: Huh? Now?
EVERWEIN: Yes. Right now.
OLIVER: Oh, but Mr. Everwein, I’m all in. I –
EVERWEIN: Never mind that. This is a rush job that the merchandising department has to have first thing in the morning …
OLIVER: Is there much? Maybe I could get up early –
SOUND: (UNWRAPPING A SKETCH)
EVERWEIN: Nope. This’ll take you nearly all night, Oliver.
OLIVER: On, my!
EVERWEIN: See, this is the layout. I want a hand-drawn border, thirteen by twenty-seven, see – and all these decorative doo-dads in each corner, and hand-letter the trade-mark here, see – no, here. Right down your alley, Oliver.
OLIVER: Oh, but I’m so tired … my hands are trembling, even…
EVERWEIN: Now, now, Oliver.
OLIVER: Sire?
EVERWEIN: You like your job, don’t you?
OLIVER: Well …
EVERWEIN: You know artists are a dime a dozen, Oliver …
OLIVER: Good ones, though …
EVERWEIN: A dime a dozen. All right, you going to do it or not?
OLIVER: Oh, well …
EVERWEIN: Okay. Get at it, now. And it want it on my desk at eight o’clock tomorrow morning.
OLIVER: EIGHT o’clock!
EVERWEIN: Eight o’clock on the nose. This drawing has to get to the merchandising department at eight-thirty, and I want to see it first.
OLIVER: Eight o’clock …
EVERWEIN: You heard me. All right, get to work, and don’t get it all smeared up, either, like you did that one today.
OLIVER: All right, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Good night.
EVERWEIN: Good night, Mr. Everwein.
SOUND: (OPENING DOOR)
EVERWEIN: You still standing there? Get to work!
OLIVER: Yes, Mr. Everwein …
SOUND: (THE DOOR CLOSES)
EVERWEIN: (CHUCKLES QUIETLY..)
SOUND: (..THEN WALKS DOWN A SHORT LENGTH OF CONCRETE WALK, AND OPENS THE DOOR OF A CAR.)
EVERWEIN: He thought it was you. (HE CHUCKLES)
CAROLINE: What? What you mean?
EVERWEIN: When I rang the bell he thought I was you. Thought you’d forgotten your key.
SOUND: (CLOSES CAR DOOR)
CAROLINE: Oh, my goodness! I did forget it!
EVERWEIN: Well, that’s clever. How you going to get in?
CAROLINE: I’ll climb in through a window, I guess. (SHE LAUGHS) Remember that other time when I left my key? I climbed in the kitchen window. He never even moved.
EVERWEIN: Yes, but this time he’ll be awake, working, Caroline.
CAROLINE: Oh, well – I’ll tell him some kind of story. He’ll believe anything. Are we going to sit here all night.
EVERWEIN: I should say not.
SOUND: (HE STARTS THE CAR)
EVERWEIN: Where do you want to go?
CAROLINE: Someplace where we can dance?
EVERWEIN: Sure; we can go anyplace we want to. He won’t be showing up, that’s for sure.
CAROLINE: Like that time at the Cotton Club when he and Eddie came in and we had to hide in the checkroom!
EVERWEIN: Well, that little job of work will keep little Oliver neatly stashed away for a long time, kid, so forget him.
CAROLINE: (DEMURELY) I always forget Oliver when I’m with you, Mister Everwein …
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION)
OLIVER: (YAWNS) Well, I don’t know, Eddie; I don’t know what to do. I’ve been working all night, and I guess I must have fallen asleep or something, and when I woke up I went in the bedroom to see if she was there, but she wasn’t. Well then, I thought, I’ll call up Eddie and ask him if his missus has seen my missus. Say she hasn’t? I wonder where she can be. No, never as late as this; for heaven’s sake it’s half-past four. Oh, I suppose she’s gabbing with some dizzy dame and just hasn’t looked at the clock or something. Well, obviously can’t call up all of here friends looking for her, waking them up out of their favorite nightmares and asking silly questions. I suppose she’ll come home eventually. But I tell you if I had her here I’d take a club and beat her head in. Oh, working. I didn’t tell you, Eddie. That – that fiend , that Everwein shoed up about nine-thirty with a rush job I have to turn in at eight o’clock in the morning, and for gosh sakes it isn’t finished yet. I fell asleep. Brought it right to the house. Yelled at me. What was I going to do? Oh, sure. Threatened my job. Eddie, I promise you a day’ll come when I’ll take that man and I’ll fill him so full of lead they can use him for a – for a paperweight. Did you have a good time bowling? What did you roll? Oh, only 134 average? You’re slipping, Eddie. (YAWNS) Golly, I’m sleepy. What? Oh, I’m sorry, Eddie, I didn’t realize I was keeping you awake, too. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I do wish I knew where Caroline was. Is, I mean. I just thought she and your missus – oh, I said that. Well, thanks, Eddie. Good night, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER AND YAWNS AGAIN)
OLIVER: Well, let me see … about another hour’s work, I guess. That Everwein. Ever-swine, that’s what he is. I could cheerfully watch him being eaten alive by an alligator or something. I know this night work is going to ruin my eyes. I think I’ll go and put some cold water on them.
SOUND: (HE MOVES AWAY, STILL MUTTEIRNG TO HIMSELF)
OLIVER: I’d like to put boiling water – no, boiling oil – on that man.
SOUND: (HE TURNS ON THE WATER)
OLIVER: Yes, and on that wife of mine.
SOUND: (HE SLAPS WATER ON HIS FACE)
OLIVER: Ow, that water’s cold.
SOUND: (HE SLAPS MORE WATER)
OLIVER: Makes my eyes feel better, though. I wish I had that Caroline here. I’d drown her. Staying out till broad daylight playing bridge or something, letting me worrymy head off. I don’t care where she is. I’d be better off without her. Huh! (AS HE LOOKS IN THE MIRROR) I’m a fine looking sight, ain’t I? Look at that face. Red eyes. Hair’s getting thin. Hello, you ugly brute. You used to be good-looking once, though. Yah. Yayayayaya! Getting old, losing your nerve. Afraid to stand up to people. Afreaid to give Everwein what he’s got coming. Afraid to smack your wife across the puss. Why don’t you come out of that mirror and do something? Answer me! Why don’t you?
REFLECTION: Well, what do you want me to do?
OLIVER: I want you to murder my – (DOUBLE TAKE) – it talked back to me! It ANSWERED me!
REFLECTION: Yes, I answered you. Now answer me, you jerk.
OLIVER: This is not true. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. it’s still ther.
REFLECTION: I’m still here, and I’m getting awful tired of you. What do you want me to do that you’re too much of a coward to do?
OLIVER: You are my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
REFLECTION: I am.
OLIVER: And you are talking back to me.
REFLECTION: I am.
OLIVER: This can’t be.
REFLECTION: What a jerk you are.
OLIVER: You can’t talk to me like that!
REFLECTION: I’m talkin’ to you like that. Listen, Oliver, every person’s got two sides, see? I’m the rough side of your character.
OLIVER: Well, for heavens’ sake.
REFLECTION: Who you want killed?
OLIVER: Would you kill somebody?
REFLECTION: Wit pleasure.
OLIVER: I’ll be darned.
REFLECTION: Oliver, where’s your wife?
OLIVER: That woman! I’ll break her neck –
SOUND: (THERE IS A SMALL GLASSCRASH, BUT SMALL)
REFLECTION: That, Oliver, is a very good idea. (GOING) I’ll be right back.
SOUND: (FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD, RECEDING)
OLIVER: Hey! (A PAUSE) Heyyy!
SOUND: (A DOOR CLOSES)
OLIVER: Am I crazy? (HE LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR) Where – where’s my reflection? (HE LOOKS HARDER) It’s - he’s gone!
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION, AND STAY IN THE BACKGROUND)
CAROLINE: My gracious, I’ve got to run! Why, it’s practically broad daylight!
EVERWEIN: How are you going to get in, Caroline?
CAROLINE: Maybe he’ll be asleep.
EVERWEIN: I sure hope so, for your sake.
CAROLINE: My sake! Ha! Don’t worry about me. Anyway, I can always climb in the window.
EVERWEIN: Well, good night. Or good morning I guess it is.
CAROLINE: Yeah. I had a swell time, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Why do you always call me Everwein?
CAROLINE: I like it. Kiss the girl, Everwein.
SOUND: (SO EVERWEIN KISSES HER)
CAROLINE: Thanks, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Sure you don’t want me to run you home?
CAROLINE: Oh, no, it’s only three blocks, and besides he might see your car. I’ll be all right. Thanks for fun. ‘Night.
EVERWEIN: ‘Night, honey.
SOUND: (A DOOR CLOSES)
CAROLINE: (STARTS TO GO, HUMMING A LITTLE TO HERSELF. SHE SUDDENLY STOPS.)
CAROLINE: Oliver!
REFLECTION: Yeah.
CAROLINE: Oliver, what are you – I mean –
REFLECTION: Come here, Caroline.
CAROLINE: (FRANTICALLY) Oliver – no – Oliver, what are you going to do –
REFLECTION: Why, I’m going to break your neck, Caroline.
CAROLINE: (SCREAMS)
REFLECTION: You see?
(MUISC … COMES UP FULL AND FADES OUT)
OLIVER: I’m going to count to ten and if that reflection isn’t back there, I’m going to call up the police and explain that I’ve gone crazy, I’ve been driven crazy by overwork – 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-19, no, I better shut my eyes and do it over. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Now. (A SIGH OF RELIEF) It is back!
REFLECTION: Sure, I’m back.
OLIVER: Well, for heavens’ sake, where have you been?
REFLECTION: You said you wanted to break Caroline’s neck.
OLIVER: Huh?
REFLECTION: Well, I broke it.
OLIVER: You did – I mean you DID?
REFLECTION: Yah. Just as easy.
OLIVER: Well – well, where did you find her, if you broke her neck?
REFLECTION: Up there in front of that apartment building Everwein lives in.
OLIVER: Why, you fool.
SOUND: (HE SMACKS THE GLASS)
REFLECTION: Be careful there, Oliver.
OLIVER: BE careful of what?
REFLECTION: Don’t break the mirror.
OLIVER: I will if I want to.
REFLECTION: Be sorry if you do.
OLIVER: What? Why?
REFLECTION: Cause this is where I live, see?
OLIVER: I am going completely comprehensively, utterly stark staring mad insane crazy. Nutty.
REFLECTION: No, you’re not, Oliver. You’re a split personality now, kid.
OLIVER: Schizophrenic.
REFLECTION: And just one more thing before you answer the door.
OLIVER: Door? What door?
REFLECTION: It’ll be the cops, coming to tell you about finding Caroline with her neck busted.
OLIVER: But I didn’t –
REFLECTION: That’s what I was gonna tell you. Don’t tell me to do things you don’t want done, Oliver. I don’t kin around. I do ‘em kid. See?
OLIVER: Listen.
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS)
REFLECTION: Go to the door, Oliver. It’s the cops. You got nothing to worry about, kid. You got a swell alibi. Go ahead.
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION)
OLIVER: There just isn’t anything to say, Eddie. What? I know. I said that. I said I’d like to murder her, but you know. Well, she’s dead. Listen, Eddie, I can’t tell you about this on the telephone, but I’m under some kind of technical arrest or something, and I know they’re going to accuse me of murdering her, and honestly, Eddie, I was right here in the house all the time; you know that. I talked to you on the phone. Remember? Yes, but they said somebody saw a fellow they thought was me, running away from the corner where … where she. But I was here. Eddie, I was right here. I was in the bathroom. Eddie, I need a lawyer, so do you want to be my lawyer? I haven’t got a whole lot of money, Eddie, really, but I guess maybe I’ve got enough if you don’t charge too much. And I’d rather have a lawyer I know, you know, instead of some strange. Will you, Eddie? No, I can’t leave the house, so you better come over here. Eddie, listen, I can explain the whole thing. Maybe you won’t believe it, but maybe I can prove it to you. Oh, Eddie, and to thing that Everwein – that rat, that snake, that – I could chop his ugly head off –
SOUND: (THERE IS A LITTLE GLASS CRASH AND A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
OLIVER: - Wait a minute, Eddie, I thought I heard a door – Oh, my gracious, Eddie, what have I done now?
(MUSIC … COMES UP SWIFTLY, HOLDS, AND FADES OUT)
SOUND: (DICTRAGRAPH BUZZER. IT RINGS AGAIN. FLIP A SWITCH)
EVERWEIN: Yes?
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Mr. Everwein, Oliver is here.
EVERWEIN: (FRIGHTENED) Oliver! Well – well, tell him I can’t see him now. Tell him –
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) I told him you were busy, but he insists on seeing you, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Is – is the door locked?
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Yes, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Tell him I can’t see him.
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Just a second, Mr. Everwein. (TO SOMEONE ELSE) He can’t see you now, Oliver. Oliver! Oliver – wait – no – no, Oliver –
SOUND: (AND THE DOOR IS BROKEN DOWN)
EVERWEIN: Oliver – listen, Oliver –
REFLECTION: Sorry I had to bust the door, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Oliver, listen, it was pure coincidence that – that –
REFLECTION: Was, huh?
EVERWEIN: You know it was, Oliver. You know perfectly well, Oliver –
REFLECTION: I know all about it, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Now, Oliver. Get away from me, Oliver.
REFLECTION: why you s’pose I broker her neck, Everwein?
EVERWEIN: Did – did YOU – ooh!
REFLECTION: I certainly did. It was just as easy.
EVERWEIN: You – you killed her?
REFLECTION: With these hands, Everwein.
SOUND: (THE TELEPHONE RINGS)
EVERWEIN: Let me answer the phone –
REFLECTION: Sure.
EVERWEIN: (LIFTS RECEIVER) Hello, this is Everwein, Poli – (HE IS CHOKED OFF)
REFLECTION: Stop that.
EVERWEIN: (GURGLES, FINALLY IS RELEASED)
REFLECTION: Take it easy. Answer the phone decent, now.
EVERWEIN: (THROAT HURTS) Yes?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) Mr. Everwein, this is Oliver –
EVERWEIN: What!
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) This is Oliver, Mr. Everwein, somebody’s coming up there to kill you –
EVERWEIN: Who are you?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) Oliver, I said, Mr. Everwein. I don’t really want to kill you –
EVERWEIN: What?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) I said this is Oliver. I –
EVERWEIN: Oliver is standing alongside my desk, threatening to kill me – is this some kind of joke? Is this –
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) That’s him, Mr. Everwein! That’s him! He’s going to cut your head off!
REFLECTION: Give me that phone, Everwein. Hello, Oliver. Listen, Oliver, keep your shirt on. You said the guy’s head off, I can’t help it. You know your wish is my command, Oliver, old kid, and the funny thing is I’m getting to like it. Now shut up and let me alone, will you?
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER)
REFLECTION: Now, Everwein? You got a sword or something around here? Huh?
(MUSIC … UP AND BACK TO OLIVER)
OLIVER: All right, Eddie. I know. I know all about Everwein. I called him on the phone, but it was too late. He took the phone away from Everwein, and told me what he was going to do, and there wasn’t any way to stop him, Eddie. Eddie, please come over. They’re going to have me for another murder, Eddie, and I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it, I tell you. I was right here. I talked to Everwein on the phone, you can ask him Ed – oh, my goodness, no, you can’t can you? Eddie, please come over! All right, Eddie. Yes, Eddie. No, Eddie. Good-bye, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER)
OLIVER: What am I going to DO? They’ll – they’ll hang me or something! How’m I going to stop this? By jiminy gee! That’s it! The mirror, the mirror, the mirror! Why didn’t I think of that before? I’ll fix it!
SOUND: (HE RUNS TO THE BATHROOM)
OLIVER: I’ll fix it – where’s a hammer or something? (HE LOOKS AROUND) Aha! The drinking-glass. I’ll fix you, Mister Reflection! I’ll fix you!
SOUND: (HE THROWS THE HEAVY GLASS AND IT SMASHES THE MIRROR)
OLIVER: There!
REFLECTION: You’re gonna be sorry, Oliver.
OLIVER: Wh-what? Who was that?
REFLECTION: I told you you’d be sorry, Oliver. I’d have gone back into the mirror and you’d never been bothered with me any more, but you busted it. I got no place to go now, kid. No place to go. I’m on the town, Oliver. I’m on the world, kid … and every time you think of killing somebody .. (HE LAUGHS) oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy … you sure done it now, Oliver. Keep your mind clean, baby.
OLIVER: Hey – hey – where did you go –
SOUND: (AND A DOOR CLOSES IN THE DISTANCE)
(MUSIC … UP AND FADE FOR)
OLIVER: No, I can’t tell you where I am, Eddie. You wouldn’t recognize me if you saw me, either. I’m in disguise. The police are looking for me everywhere, Eddie. Just everywhere. Oh, you know that. Well, I just had to call you. I had to, Eddie. We used to have such fun, darn it, Eddie, and now everything’s so awful. Eddie, I don’t kill people. I didn’t kill anybody, Eddie, honest. No, I didn’t. No, I didn’t. But you know how it is. If I even think of somebody that ought to be killed, if I just say I could kill that fellow, why, boom, he’s dead, Eddie. It’s a curse! It’s horrible! I don’t know what to do! Eddie, I could murder everybody in the world, you know! If I dream about killing somebody, it’s in the papers the next morning! If I say I hope you ch – oh, no, I musn’t say it! It’s my reflection! Reflection – from the mirror! No, I’m not crazy. I thought I was, but I know I’m not. Eddie, I’m scared every minute! Sure, you could tie me up so I couldn’t talk, but all I got to do is THINK! I think murder, and he’s right there to do it! What, Eddie? No, no, there’s nothing I can do about it. My goodness, if I show myself on the streets I’ll be arrested instantly! Oh, Eddie, I wish I was dead!
SOUND: (A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
OLIVER: What, Eddie? I said -gosh, what can I do? I said I wish I was dead!
REFLECTION: Why, Oliver, you know, I think we can handle that.
(MUSIC … THEME … FADE FOR)
ANNCR: You have listened to Quiet Please, written and directed by Wyllis Cooper,. Tonight’s story was called “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.” The man who talked to you was Ernest Chappell.
CHAPPELL: And Nancy Douglass played Caroline. Everwein was Eric Dressler .The music was composed and played by Gene Perrazzo. And now for a word about next week’s Quiet Please story, here is our writer-director Wyllis Cooper:
COOPER: I have a story for you next week about something that happened – or at least it might have happened – in the early days of World War II. The story is called “A Ribbon of Lincoln Green”. I hope you’ll like it.
CHAPPELL: And until next week at this time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.
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“QUIET, PLEASE!” #10
Wyllis Cooper
Network - Sun Aug 24th 1947 - 10:00-10:30 PM EDST
WOR - Mon. Aug. 25th 10:00- 10:30 PM EDST
Rehersals: Fri. Aug. 22nd 2:00-5:00 PM
Sun. Aug. 24th 8:00-10:00PM
Studio 15
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.
(SEVEN SECONDS’ SILENCE)
CHAPPELL: Quiet, please.
(MUSIC…THEME…FADE FOR)
ANNCR: “Quiet, Please!“ for tonight, written and directed by Wyllis Cooper, and featuring Ernest Chappell, is called “Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall”
(MUSIC…THEME…Up & FADE)
---
OLIVER: (TALKING TO A MAN ON THE PHONE) You haven’t got any idea. You haven’t got an idea in the world, no sir. If I was to do the right thing I’d take him and I’d cut his head off. As a matter of fact, Eddie, if I had the - the intestinal fortitude of a - of a llama or something - a llama. You know, like in crossword puzzles. It’s some kind of camel or something that lives up in the mountains. I said if I had the courage of a llama, I’d just up and kill the man! What? Oh, it’s all right, for heaven’s sake, nobody’s listening on the telephone! Oh, is that so? Well, I’ll stack up old man Everwein against your boss and day, and give you two-to-one odds, too. Did I tell you about this morning? Well, you know when I saw you in the drug store when I was having coffee - huh? Oh, you know her. She’s a model. I just rand into her as I was going into the drugstore, and I said have a cup of coffee with me. I don’t know. Peters, or Peterson, or something like that. Evelyn. Evelyn Peters, or Peterson, or something.
No, costume stuff. Well, when I was in the drugstore - oh, I’m sorry, I meant to give you the seventy-five cents I borrowed, and I forgot all about it. Remind me, will you, Eddie? Oh, not in the drugstore. That old - that old goon has forbidden every one of us to go downstairs for coffee during working hours. Everwein! It’s all right; he can go down and drink coffee till it runs out his ears, but the Art Department can sit up there and starve for all he cars. Well, I think it’s pretty small of a man. After all, we’re not just laborers, you know. Oh, what I started to say: right after you walked out, he walked in. No, I was talking to this Peters, or Peterson, or whoever she is, and I didn’t see him at all. First thing I knew was he shoved that great big ugly unshaven puss of his right between me and this Peterson character - oh, I wasn’t saying anything! - and he said Oliver, did you forget your drawing-board? I give you my word, Eddie, boiling hot coffee - I pretty near incinerated myself I was so startled! And I sort of burbled through the coffee, I said like an utter idiot what drawing-board, Mister Everwein? And he said the one you left upstairs. He said do you want me to bring it down here, Oliver, so you can combine business and pleasure? And that Peterson, she laughed right out loud. I could kill her too! What?
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OLIVER: Well, what if I am being bloodthirsty tonight? I’ve got a right to! What? Oh. Well, then he kind of gritted his teeth and he looked just like Victor MacLaglen or somebody and he said Get Back Upstairs! And believe me, Eddie, people just kind of shrunk away like an earthquake or something, and I felt about THIS high. Do? What COULD I do? I put your seventy-five cents on the counter – the whole seventy-five cents, darn it! – and I just slunk out. And you know that he did? You won’t believe it! He sat right down there with that Peterson, or whatever her name is, and he bought her another cup of coffee! With the seventy-five cents I borrowed from YOU, to add insult to injury! Do you wonder I want to murder him? And her, too? The way she laughed? Oh, yes, and then – get this – when he came back upstairs half an hour later – half an hour! – he walked in and stood looking over my shoulder, and you know how that always gives me the screaming meemies, to have somebody looking over my shoulder while I’m drawing …. Oh, doesn’t it you? It does me. I go nuts. And so what happens? He just stands there and stands there, and I get jitterier and jitterier, and all of a sudden I put my sleeve right in the middle of the design I’d just finished inking in – label for a shoe-box. All full of, you know, Pompeian borders and curlicues and stuff and things. You know.
Oh, ruined it. Murdered it. And that fiend in human form stood there and laughed fit to bust. Losing your touch, Oliver, he said? I have you my word Eddie, I was so close to busting, and I kept drawing great big deep breaths, and getting fuller and fuller of air, and finally I yelled at him. Oh, I always make a fool of myself. What? I said give me back my seventy-five cents, Mister Everwein! Oh, go on and laugh. (HE HAS TO LAUGH A LITTLE HIMSELF) did you ever in all your life hear anything so ridiculous? That’s what I was saying, if I had the – the whatever-it-is of a llama or something I’d have brained the man with a T-square or something. And I holler for six bits! Oh, he had a fit. He just laid down on the floor and howled.(CHUCKLES) I had one satisfaction, though. Whitey Haines, you know sits back of me with dark glasses, he’d just dropped a whole jar of vermillion paint on the floor and Everwein didn’t know it. What Just wallered in it! Well, so I had to stay and work overtime to get this hideous label finished so they can ship it out to Little Rock or wherever it goes, and that’s why I’m not going bowling tonight. No, you’ll just have to get a substitute, Eddie. I’m dead. Who, Caroline? Oh, no, she’s out to some clambake or something. That woman. I could cut her throat with a – a bottle-opener or something. Preferably a dull one. You know what she left me for dinner? Listen. One can of tuna-fish. One slice of dry whole-wheat bread. A warm bottle of cherry soda. And eleven hard-boiled eggs. And she’d been defrosting the refrigerator and forgot to turn it on again. No, Eddie; I have a stomach-ache, for one thing. My head hurts. My hands and arms are tired. I am a dead man, and I definitely will not bowl this evening. I am going to sit here and think of different ways to murder Mr. Klaus Everwein, my favorite art-director, and perhaps that Peterson girl, or whatever her name is, and possibly Caroline, the wife of my bosom. And if you continue to shout in my ear about bowling, I shall include you. Yes, Eddie. No, Eddie, Goodnight, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE TELEPHONE RECEIVER, SITS BACK, AND SIGHS)
OLIVER: Oh, me. (HE YAWNS) I should BOWL, of all things. Where do you suppose the woman is?
I shouldn’t have eaten those hardboiled eggs.
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS)
OLIVER: Now, who’s that? Calling me up in the middle of the night! If that’s Eddie again about bowling I’ll murder him! The curst of the man!
SOUND: (HE LIFTS THE RECEIVER)
OLIVER: Hello-I-am-not-going-bowling! (A PAUSE) Hello, Eddie! Hello, hello, hello! Why, you rang me, young woman. Yes, you di-
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN)
OLIVER: Oh, it’s the doorbell. Excuse me.
SOIUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER AND GETS UP)
OLIVER: Caroline, of course. Forgotten her key again.
SOUND: (HE GOES AWAY)
OLIVER: If that woman doesn’t do something about remembering her keys, I’m simply going to kill her.
SOUND: (HE OPENS THE DOOR)
OLIVER: Well, my love!
EVERWEIN: (AT THE DOOR) What did you call me, Oliver?
OLIVER: Mister Everwein!
EVERWEIN: Well, are you going to let me in or not?
OLIVER: Why, certainly, Mr. Everwein. Please come in, sir.
SOUND: (THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND EVERWEIN)
OLIVER: Come in and have a chair, sir. (AS THEY RETURN)
EVERWEIN: (IN) Who did you think I was, anyway?
OLIVER: I thought you had forgotten your key.
EVERWEIN: What? Are you nutty?
OLIVER: I’m sorry, Mr. Everwein. I mean I thought it was my wife, who has gone out, and who has probably forgotten her key. I mean she quite often forgets when she goes out. I thought it was my wife –
EVERWEIN: For the love of Mike will you stop gibbering?
OLIVER: Yes, Mr. Everwein. Well – ah – what brings you to our neighborhood, I’m sure?
EVERWEIN: Oliver, you know, if you weren’t the best freehand design man I’ve got in the shop –
OLIVER: Oh, but I’m not, Mr. Everwein –
EVERWEIN: I’d try to have you committed. I don’t think you’ve got all your buttons.
OLIVER: Mr. Everwein, I’ve got my buttons all right, but for heaven’s sake, Mr. Everwein, I just get embarrassed.
EVERWEIN: At what?
OLIVER: When people yell at me, or anything, I mean …
EVERWEIN: Am I yelling at you, Oliver?
OLIVER: Well, you … you do.
EVERWEIN: Am I yelling at you now, Oliver?
OLIVER: N-no, sir.
EVERWEIN: Well, stop looking silly then. I’ve got something for you to do.
OLIVER: Huh? Now?
EVERWEIN: Yes. Right now.
OLIVER: Oh, but Mr. Everwein, I’m all in. I –
EVERWEIN: Never mind that. This is a rush job that the merchandising department has to have first thing in the morning …
OLIVER: Is there much? Maybe I could get up early –
SOUND: (UNWRAPPING A SKETCH)
EVERWEIN: Nope. This’ll take you nearly all night, Oliver.
OLIVER: On, my!
EVERWEIN: See, this is the layout. I want a hand-drawn border, thirteen by twenty-seven, see – and all these decorative doo-dads in each corner, and hand-letter the trade-mark here, see – no, here. Right down your alley, Oliver.
OLIVER: Oh, but I’m so tired … my hands are trembling, even…
EVERWEIN: Now, now, Oliver.
OLIVER: Sire?
EVERWEIN: You like your job, don’t you?
OLIVER: Well …
EVERWEIN: You know artists are a dime a dozen, Oliver …
OLIVER: Good ones, though …
EVERWEIN: A dime a dozen. All right, you going to do it or not?
OLIVER: Oh, well …
EVERWEIN: Okay. Get at it, now. And it want it on my desk at eight o’clock tomorrow morning.
OLIVER: EIGHT o’clock!
EVERWEIN: Eight o’clock on the nose. This drawing has to get to the merchandising department at eight-thirty, and I want to see it first.
OLIVER: Eight o’clock …
EVERWEIN: You heard me. All right, get to work, and don’t get it all smeared up, either, like you did that one today.
OLIVER: All right, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Good night.
EVERWEIN: Good night, Mr. Everwein.
SOUND: (OPENING DOOR)
EVERWEIN: You still standing there? Get to work!
OLIVER: Yes, Mr. Everwein …
SOUND: (THE DOOR CLOSES)
EVERWEIN: (CHUCKLES QUIETLY..)
SOUND: (..THEN WALKS DOWN A SHORT LENGTH OF CONCRETE WALK, AND OPENS THE DOOR OF A CAR.)
EVERWEIN: He thought it was you. (HE CHUCKLES)
CAROLINE: What? What you mean?
EVERWEIN: When I rang the bell he thought I was you. Thought you’d forgotten your key.
SOUND: (CLOSES CAR DOOR)
CAROLINE: Oh, my goodness! I did forget it!
EVERWEIN: Well, that’s clever. How you going to get in?
CAROLINE: I’ll climb in through a window, I guess. (SHE LAUGHS) Remember that other time when I left my key? I climbed in the kitchen window. He never even moved.
EVERWEIN: Yes, but this time he’ll be awake, working, Caroline.
CAROLINE: Oh, well – I’ll tell him some kind of story. He’ll believe anything. Are we going to sit here all night.
EVERWEIN: I should say not.
SOUND: (HE STARTS THE CAR)
EVERWEIN: Where do you want to go?
CAROLINE: Someplace where we can dance?
EVERWEIN: Sure; we can go anyplace we want to. He won’t be showing up, that’s for sure.
CAROLINE: Like that time at the Cotton Club when he and Eddie came in and we had to hide in the checkroom!
EVERWEIN: Well, that little job of work will keep little Oliver neatly stashed away for a long time, kid, so forget him.
CAROLINE: (DEMURELY) I always forget Oliver when I’m with you, Mister Everwein …
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION)
OLIVER: (YAWNS) Well, I don’t know, Eddie; I don’t know what to do. I’ve been working all night, and I guess I must have fallen asleep or something, and when I woke up I went in the bedroom to see if she was there, but she wasn’t. Well then, I thought, I’ll call up Eddie and ask him if his missus has seen my missus. Say she hasn’t? I wonder where she can be. No, never as late as this; for heaven’s sake it’s half-past four. Oh, I suppose she’s gabbing with some dizzy dame and just hasn’t looked at the clock or something. Well, obviously can’t call up all of here friends looking for her, waking them up out of their favorite nightmares and asking silly questions. I suppose she’ll come home eventually. But I tell you if I had her here I’d take a club and beat her head in. Oh, working. I didn’t tell you, Eddie. That – that fiend , that Everwein shoed up about nine-thirty with a rush job I have to turn in at eight o’clock in the morning, and for gosh sakes it isn’t finished yet. I fell asleep. Brought it right to the house. Yelled at me. What was I going to do? Oh, sure. Threatened my job. Eddie, I promise you a day’ll come when I’ll take that man and I’ll fill him so full of lead they can use him for a – for a paperweight. Did you have a good time bowling? What did you roll? Oh, only 134 average? You’re slipping, Eddie. (YAWNS) Golly, I’m sleepy. What? Oh, I’m sorry, Eddie, I didn’t realize I was keeping you awake, too. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I do wish I knew where Caroline was. Is, I mean. I just thought she and your missus – oh, I said that. Well, thanks, Eddie. Good night, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER AND YAWNS AGAIN)
OLIVER: Well, let me see … about another hour’s work, I guess. That Everwein. Ever-swine, that’s what he is. I could cheerfully watch him being eaten alive by an alligator or something. I know this night work is going to ruin my eyes. I think I’ll go and put some cold water on them.
SOUND: (HE MOVES AWAY, STILL MUTTEIRNG TO HIMSELF)
OLIVER: I’d like to put boiling water – no, boiling oil – on that man.
SOUND: (HE TURNS ON THE WATER)
OLIVER: Yes, and on that wife of mine.
SOUND: (HE SLAPS WATER ON HIS FACE)
OLIVER: Ow, that water’s cold.
SOUND: (HE SLAPS MORE WATER)
OLIVER: Makes my eyes feel better, though. I wish I had that Caroline here. I’d drown her. Staying out till broad daylight playing bridge or something, letting me worrymy head off. I don’t care where she is. I’d be better off without her. Huh! (AS HE LOOKS IN THE MIRROR) I’m a fine looking sight, ain’t I? Look at that face. Red eyes. Hair’s getting thin. Hello, you ugly brute. You used to be good-looking once, though. Yah. Yayayayaya! Getting old, losing your nerve. Afraid to stand up to people. Afreaid to give Everwein what he’s got coming. Afraid to smack your wife across the puss. Why don’t you come out of that mirror and do something? Answer me! Why don’t you?
REFLECTION: Well, what do you want me to do?
OLIVER: I want you to murder my – (DOUBLE TAKE) – it talked back to me! It ANSWERED me!
REFLECTION: Yes, I answered you. Now answer me, you jerk.
OLIVER: This is not true. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. it’s still ther.
REFLECTION: I’m still here, and I’m getting awful tired of you. What do you want me to do that you’re too much of a coward to do?
OLIVER: You are my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
REFLECTION: I am.
OLIVER: And you are talking back to me.
REFLECTION: I am.
OLIVER: This can’t be.
REFLECTION: What a jerk you are.
OLIVER: You can’t talk to me like that!
REFLECTION: I’m talkin’ to you like that. Listen, Oliver, every person’s got two sides, see? I’m the rough side of your character.
OLIVER: Well, for heavens’ sake.
REFLECTION: Who you want killed?
OLIVER: Would you kill somebody?
REFLECTION: Wit pleasure.
OLIVER: I’ll be darned.
REFLECTION: Oliver, where’s your wife?
OLIVER: That woman! I’ll break her neck –
SOUND: (THERE IS A SMALL GLASSCRASH, BUT SMALL)
REFLECTION: That, Oliver, is a very good idea. (GOING) I’ll be right back.
SOUND: (FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD, RECEDING)
OLIVER: Hey! (A PAUSE) Heyyy!
SOUND: (A DOOR CLOSES)
OLIVER: Am I crazy? (HE LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR) Where – where’s my reflection? (HE LOOKS HARDER) It’s - he’s gone!
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION, AND STAY IN THE BACKGROUND)
CAROLINE: My gracious, I’ve got to run! Why, it’s practically broad daylight!
EVERWEIN: How are you going to get in, Caroline?
CAROLINE: Maybe he’ll be asleep.
EVERWEIN: I sure hope so, for your sake.
CAROLINE: My sake! Ha! Don’t worry about me. Anyway, I can always climb in the window.
EVERWEIN: Well, good night. Or good morning I guess it is.
CAROLINE: Yeah. I had a swell time, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Why do you always call me Everwein?
CAROLINE: I like it. Kiss the girl, Everwein.
SOUND: (SO EVERWEIN KISSES HER)
CAROLINE: Thanks, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Sure you don’t want me to run you home?
CAROLINE: Oh, no, it’s only three blocks, and besides he might see your car. I’ll be all right. Thanks for fun. ‘Night.
EVERWEIN: ‘Night, honey.
SOUND: (A DOOR CLOSES)
CAROLINE: (STARTS TO GO, HUMMING A LITTLE TO HERSELF. SHE SUDDENLY STOPS.)
CAROLINE: Oliver!
REFLECTION: Yeah.
CAROLINE: Oliver, what are you – I mean –
REFLECTION: Come here, Caroline.
CAROLINE: (FRANTICALLY) Oliver – no – Oliver, what are you going to do –
REFLECTION: Why, I’m going to break your neck, Caroline.
CAROLINE: (SCREAMS)
REFLECTION: You see?
(MUISC … COMES UP FULL AND FADES OUT)
OLIVER: I’m going to count to ten and if that reflection isn’t back there, I’m going to call up the police and explain that I’ve gone crazy, I’ve been driven crazy by overwork – 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-19, no, I better shut my eyes and do it over. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Now. (A SIGH OF RELIEF) It is back!
REFLECTION: Sure, I’m back.
OLIVER: Well, for heavens’ sake, where have you been?
REFLECTION: You said you wanted to break Caroline’s neck.
OLIVER: Huh?
REFLECTION: Well, I broke it.
OLIVER: You did – I mean you DID?
REFLECTION: Yah. Just as easy.
OLIVER: Well – well, where did you find her, if you broke her neck?
REFLECTION: Up there in front of that apartment building Everwein lives in.
OLIVER: Why, you fool.
SOUND: (HE SMACKS THE GLASS)
REFLECTION: Be careful there, Oliver.
OLIVER: BE careful of what?
REFLECTION: Don’t break the mirror.
OLIVER: I will if I want to.
REFLECTION: Be sorry if you do.
OLIVER: What? Why?
REFLECTION: Cause this is where I live, see?
OLIVER: I am going completely comprehensively, utterly stark staring mad insane crazy. Nutty.
REFLECTION: No, you’re not, Oliver. You’re a split personality now, kid.
OLIVER: Schizophrenic.
REFLECTION: And just one more thing before you answer the door.
OLIVER: Door? What door?
REFLECTION: It’ll be the cops, coming to tell you about finding Caroline with her neck busted.
OLIVER: But I didn’t –
REFLECTION: That’s what I was gonna tell you. Don’t tell me to do things you don’t want done, Oliver. I don’t kin around. I do ‘em kid. See?
OLIVER: Listen.
SOUND: (THE DOORBELL RINGS)
REFLECTION: Go to the door, Oliver. It’s the cops. You got nothing to worry about, kid. You got a swell alibi. Go ahead.
(MUSIC … FOR A TRANSITION)
OLIVER: There just isn’t anything to say, Eddie. What? I know. I said that. I said I’d like to murder her, but you know. Well, she’s dead. Listen, Eddie, I can’t tell you about this on the telephone, but I’m under some kind of technical arrest or something, and I know they’re going to accuse me of murdering her, and honestly, Eddie, I was right here in the house all the time; you know that. I talked to you on the phone. Remember? Yes, but they said somebody saw a fellow they thought was me, running away from the corner where … where she. But I was here. Eddie, I was right here. I was in the bathroom. Eddie, I need a lawyer, so do you want to be my lawyer? I haven’t got a whole lot of money, Eddie, really, but I guess maybe I’ve got enough if you don’t charge too much. And I’d rather have a lawyer I know, you know, instead of some strange. Will you, Eddie? No, I can’t leave the house, so you better come over here. Eddie, listen, I can explain the whole thing. Maybe you won’t believe it, but maybe I can prove it to you. Oh, Eddie, and to thing that Everwein – that rat, that snake, that – I could chop his ugly head off –
SOUND: (THERE IS A LITTLE GLASS CRASH AND A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
OLIVER: - Wait a minute, Eddie, I thought I heard a door – Oh, my gracious, Eddie, what have I done now?
(MUSIC … COMES UP SWIFTLY, HOLDS, AND FADES OUT)
SOUND: (DICTRAGRAPH BUZZER. IT RINGS AGAIN. FLIP A SWITCH)
EVERWEIN: Yes?
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Mr. Everwein, Oliver is here.
EVERWEIN: (FRIGHTENED) Oliver! Well – well, tell him I can’t see him now. Tell him –
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) I told him you were busy, but he insists on seeing you, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Is – is the door locked?
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Yes, Mr. Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Tell him I can’t see him.
VOICE: (ON DICTAGRAPH) Just a second, Mr. Everwein. (TO SOMEONE ELSE) He can’t see you now, Oliver. Oliver! Oliver – wait – no – no, Oliver –
SOUND: (AND THE DOOR IS BROKEN DOWN)
EVERWEIN: Oliver – listen, Oliver –
REFLECTION: Sorry I had to bust the door, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Oliver, listen, it was pure coincidence that – that –
REFLECTION: Was, huh?
EVERWEIN: You know it was, Oliver. You know perfectly well, Oliver –
REFLECTION: I know all about it, Everwein.
EVERWEIN: Now, Oliver. Get away from me, Oliver.
REFLECTION: why you s’pose I broker her neck, Everwein?
EVERWEIN: Did – did YOU – ooh!
REFLECTION: I certainly did. It was just as easy.
EVERWEIN: You – you killed her?
REFLECTION: With these hands, Everwein.
SOUND: (THE TELEPHONE RINGS)
EVERWEIN: Let me answer the phone –
REFLECTION: Sure.
EVERWEIN: (LIFTS RECEIVER) Hello, this is Everwein, Poli – (HE IS CHOKED OFF)
REFLECTION: Stop that.
EVERWEIN: (GURGLES, FINALLY IS RELEASED)
REFLECTION: Take it easy. Answer the phone decent, now.
EVERWEIN: (THROAT HURTS) Yes?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) Mr. Everwein, this is Oliver –
EVERWEIN: What!
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) This is Oliver, Mr. Everwein, somebody’s coming up there to kill you –
EVERWEIN: Who are you?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) Oliver, I said, Mr. Everwein. I don’t really want to kill you –
EVERWEIN: What?
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) I said this is Oliver. I –
EVERWEIN: Oliver is standing alongside my desk, threatening to kill me – is this some kind of joke? Is this –
OLIVER: (ON PHONE) That’s him, Mr. Everwein! That’s him! He’s going to cut your head off!
REFLECTION: Give me that phone, Everwein. Hello, Oliver. Listen, Oliver, keep your shirt on. You said the guy’s head off, I can’t help it. You know your wish is my command, Oliver, old kid, and the funny thing is I’m getting to like it. Now shut up and let me alone, will you?
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER)
REFLECTION: Now, Everwein? You got a sword or something around here? Huh?
(MUSIC … UP AND BACK TO OLIVER)
OLIVER: All right, Eddie. I know. I know all about Everwein. I called him on the phone, but it was too late. He took the phone away from Everwein, and told me what he was going to do, and there wasn’t any way to stop him, Eddie. Eddie, please come over. They’re going to have me for another murder, Eddie, and I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it, I tell you. I was right here. I talked to Everwein on the phone, you can ask him Ed – oh, my goodness, no, you can’t can you? Eddie, please come over! All right, Eddie. Yes, Eddie. No, Eddie. Good-bye, Eddie.
SOUND: (HE REPLACES THE RECEIVER)
OLIVER: What am I going to DO?
They’ll – they’ll hang me or something!
How’m I going to stop this?
By jiminy gee!
That’s it! The mirror, the mirror, the mirror! Why didn’t I think of that before? I’ll fix it!
SOUND: (HE RUNS TO THE BATHROOM)
OLIVER: I’ll fix it – where’s a hammer or something? (HE LOOKS AROUND) Aha! The drinking-glass. I’ll fix you, Mister Reflection! I’ll fix you!
SOUND: (HE THROWS THE HEAVY GLASS AND IT SMASHES THE MIRROR)
OLIVER: There!
REFLECTION: You’re gonna be sorry, Oliver.
OLIVER: Wh-what? Who was that?
REFLECTION: I told you you’d be sorry, Oliver. I’d have gone back into the mirror and you’d never been bothered with me any more, but you busted it. I got no place to go now, kid. No place to go. I’m on the town, Oliver. I’m on the world, kid … and every time you think of killing somebody .. (HE LAUGHS) oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy … you sure done it now, Oliver. Keep your mind clean, baby.
OLIVER: Hey – hey – where did you go –
SOUND: (AND A DOOR CLOSES IN THE DISTANCE)
(MUSIC … UP AND FADE FOR)
OLIVER: No, I can’t tell you where I am, Eddie. You wouldn’t recognize me if you saw me, either. I’m in disguise. The police are looking for me everywhere, Eddie. Just everywhere. Oh, you know that. Well, I just had to call you. I had to, Eddie. We used to have such fun, darn it, Eddie, and now everything’s so awful. Eddie, I don’t kill people. I didn’t kill anybody, Eddie, honest. No, I didn’t. No, I didn’t. But you know how it is. If I even think of somebody that ought to be killed, if I just say I could kill that fellow, why, boom, he’s dead, Eddie. It’s a curse! It’s horrible! I don’t know what to do! Eddie, I could murder everybody in the world, you know! If I dream about killing somebody, it’s in the papers the next morning! If I say I hope you ch – oh, no, I musn’t say it! It’s my reflection! Reflection – from the mirror! No, I’m not crazy. I thought I was, but I know I’m not. Eddie, I’m scared every minute! Sure, you could tie me up so I couldn’t talk, but all I got to do is THINK! I think murder, and he’s right there to do it! What, Eddie? No, no, there’s nothing I can do about it. My goodness, if I show myself on the streets I’ll be arrested instantly! Oh, Eddie, I wish I was dead!
SOUND: (A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
OLIVER: What, Eddie? I said -gosh, what can I do? I said I wish I was dead!
REFLECTION: Why, Oliver, you know, I think we can handle that.
(MUSIC … THEME … FADE FOR)
ANNCR: You have listened to Quiet Please, written and directed by Wyllis Cooper,. Tonight’s story was called “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.” The man who talked to you was Ernest Chappell.
CHAPPELL: And Nancy Douglass played Caroline. Everwein was Eric Dressler .The music was composed and played by Gene Perrazzo. And now for a word about next week’s Quiet Please story, here is our writer-director Wyllis Cooper:
COOPER: I have a story for you next week about something that happened – or at least it might have happened – in the early days of World War II. The story is called “A Ribbon of Lincoln Green”. I hope you’ll like it.
CHAPPELL: And until next week at this time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.